Vacations- Whose job is it anyway?

I just came back from a fabulous vacation with my husband.  We celebrated 30 years of marriage in August, no small feat!  We've (or should I say I've) talked about going to Italy for at least 15 years and the opportunity came up and we took it.  2 days in Rome and then a cruise on the Mediterranean.  Heaven.

What does it take, besides money, to go on a big vacation like that?  Weeks or months of preparation- arranging work schedules, buying some needed clothes, a new bathing suit (still wore my trusty old one), packing up medicines and toiletries, arranging our dog sitter, holding the mail and the newspapers, getting the house ready, paying bills ahead of time, getting Euros to bring with us...  Like any event in our lives this required lists and more lists.  I managed to remember everything, though I somehow lost my travel alarm clock.  I do all the list making and packing, my husband basically just does what he is asked and shows up.  He's the one working 15 hour days so I don't mind. 

Why is it that a man can pack in a matter of 1 hour and it takes me days- thinking about outfits, purses, shoes, etc.  I spent 2 days just doing laundry and making piles of potential clothes.  I remembered to pack his ipod and headphones for jogging and his post-running tablets for rehydrating while he remembered to pack his sneakers.  It's interesting that I think about what he'll need but I'm sure he never gives a thought about what I packed or didn't pack.  Maybe that is the built-in mother role I have permanently assumed.  He just trusts that I will remember what I need.  As he says, "As long as I have my passport and wallet, everything else is extra."

It's funny how I've noticed the way we drop into our roles, even on vacation or right when we got back.  I am the fact-finder, the arranger of things.  I got all the tour books and decided what excursions we went on, spending hours on websites and making decisions.  When I signed up for the experience with the dolphins, Steve chose to stay on the ship and read his book.  When I got back from my excursion we explored Malta for a few hours before the ship took off for the next port.  I'm the exploring type and Steve is the stay put type.  He would never walk off the ship and explore the city by himself.

When we got back from our trip I immediately jumped into laundry and unpacking mode while Steve jumped into yard work duty.  Roles are embedded in our every day lives.  After 2 days of laundry, processing mail, and catching up on sleep, I'm avoiding all the other household roles like grocery shopping and vacuuming.  I even avoided my emails for 2 days.  Tomrrow will come soon enough.  In the mean time I have 1300 pictures to look at on my computer!

My first picture in Rome- the infamous Trevi Fountain

Lucas the dophin came over to play with us.

The ceiling of a church in La Valetta, Malta- amazing!

Whose Job Is It?

What happens when 3 different people all think that one of the other two is taking care of something? The "something" doesn't get done! That's called "a poorly occupied role." When a role is not occupied, the job doesn't get done. "No one took out the garbage, or bought the milk, or paid the mortgage." If a role is super important, and no one claims ownership, a disaster can happen (Ex. paying the bills). If the role is only important to one person and they want another person to do the job, tempers can flare ("Why don't you put things away!) When there are many things going on at once and the plan is not clear, roles can slip through the cracks (event planning, committee work). This happened very recently to me and the end result was very disappointing. There is a lot of "if only" feelings. "If only I had realized that the other two weren't doing it, I would have done it." Or, "If only we had cleared this up ahead of time, we would have taken care of it properly."
How can you go through life without "if only's?" That requires clear communication and developing a plan. Why didn't we create a plan? THAT is an important question. We had a plan that didn't include that role! I suspected things should have been done but never pressed about it. I'm not sure why but I can speculate:
I didn't want to be a bother or be pushy.
I assumed it was being taken care of.
I didn't feel it was my place (I wasn't in charge.)
I didn't have time.
I was avoiding the subject (not my favorite role.)
Wishful thinking that it would be fine without worrying about it.

Well, the wishful thinking wasn't enough. And hoping the role was covered didn't work out either. Next time, there will be a better plan in place and lots of clear communication.