De-triggering my triggered selves

I have learned something new this week. (Always a good thing) I have learned that we all have different selves within us that can get triggered when we are faced with something challenging. What's "new" about this statement is that my triggered self is not "ME." She is someone I can have a dialogue with in order to deal with her. How I deal with that triggered self is the key to going past uncomfortable moments or situations with "success" or staying stuck in my usual way of doing and being.

For instance, I set a goal to do something that will be challenging or exciting or scary. It is a goal I really want to achieve and it will make my life better. I want it with all my heart. Then poof, my triggered self gets all stirred up and takes over.
Sometimes my triggered self is fear and just stops me in my tracks. She convinces the competent Monica that it's not worth all the angst to try something scary. She is trying to protect me from failure or embarrassment. But avoiding what I truly want or need to be doing is not going to help any!
Sometimes my triggered self is anger and I blow my cool, becoming someone who is completely incapable of functioning normally! (I hate when that happens and those around me tend to duck. Luckily it doesn't happen often.)
Sometimes my triggered self is sadness (not usually around when dealing with goals but more likely when dealing with other people). When sadness takes over I lose hours to the Whoa is Me talk and being in a slump. Nothing gets accomplished.

The point about these examples is that my triggered selves (similar to a saboteur) are not functioning the way I want to be functioning. They are making matters worse for me or are keeping me stuck in a life that is not fulfilling. We all want to grow. We all want to make changes in our lives and break out of habits or create new ones that match the vision of the new self we are trying to become.

What can I do when a triggered self is around? I have created a structure to talk to her, thank her for making me aware of my edgy challenge to the status quo, and tell her to take a hike! I can take over from here. The competent Monica gets to be in charge. Yeah me! There are some body signals I can use, depending on the trigger, that will help me take over and be my most confident, calm or uplifted self. A few deep breaths always come in handy.

If you are thinking I must be some kind of crazy (and I assure you I am not), I will tell you that all this new knowledge comes from my relationship coaching classes. (Center for Right Relationships) I am learning to be in better relationship with MYSELF and to be in better relationship with those around me. This is all part of what I will bring to the table as I coach others. I have already tried the exercise on three clients this week and they all love it. To quote one, "I feel like a huge weight is lifted off me!"

If you are interested in trying the exercise with your favorite triggered self please call me. I’m loving this tool! 203-209-5462. The first session is always free and it's all done by phone, so please take me up on it!
Have a happy un-triggered day,
Monica

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