The agony, the ecstasy and the irony

It's August 3rd and we're more than half way through the summer.  It's been a real hot one for the record.  Living in CT about 10 miles from the shore, we are somewhat protected from the worst heat, though not near any on-shore breezes.

My husband and I bought an old farm house about 5 years ago.  This house was built in 1795!  (George Washington was still President!)  The previous owners, the last of a 200-year line of their family to live in the house, had stripped it down and rebuilt it with new windows, sheet rock, and master bedroom, but not the modern convenience of air conditioning!

I'm Irish, I can't stand extreme heat or cold.  And I work from home, no respite in an employer's AC.  Window AC units were no longer considered a viable option- my husband refused to do it anymore!  So we've talked about getting some sort of central AC for a while.  (All the kids are married and college paid for so now it's our turn to enjoy life.) It became one of my priorities, not to mention it adds mega value to our house.

It was all talk until Steve discovered the concept of ductless air conditioning- you install a unit on your wall and it connects through the wall to the actual machine outside.  No giant ducts cut through your closets, a much more affordable price too.  I found a local company who could do the work at a price we were willing to pay (Brainard's in Shelton, CT). By the time we made the commitment there were delays due to vacations, waiting for parts, staffing, and it finally got installed yesterday (our wedding anniversary- how appropriate!)  Long story short, we now have AC units in 4 separate zones of the house. 

Agony and Ecstacy are covered, right?

Now for the irony.  We no sooner had it all working and a cool front has moved in.  The whole week we might see high 70's to low 80's.  It was 61 degrees last night and my husband was thrilled to have all the windows of the house open wide.

My bank account will be happier due to the electric bill savings, but I don't get to play with and enjoy my new toy!
I'm sure a heat wave will find it's way to CT soon enough.  Then I will be mighty glad to have knocked this off my wish list.

Journey to Happiness Part 3 Indentifying and Overcoming your limiting beliefs that keep you stuck

Limiting Beliefs are hidden or not-so-hidden beliefs that you have that may not necessarily be true. They are a reflection of our inner-selves or our inner saboteurs that keep our lives "safe" and small. For instance, if a person believes (or fears) that all dogs will bite them or men don't know how to care for an infant, they will act accordingly and shrink in fear from all dogs and treat men like they don't know what they are doing with their own child.

I've talked to several parents recently who feel stuck in their roles of mom/dad, spouse, career person, housekeeper, nursemaid, etc.  Their limiting beliefs include such things as:
They shouldn't complain because they have so much.
They shouldn't ask for help or question their duty as parent, spouse, career person and homeowner.
If they talk to someone about it they might be considered weak or ungrateful.

Other common limiting beliefs that have nothing to do with your role, your job, or your wealth include:
I'm not good enough.
If I let up the slightest I will lose my job.
If I have a conversation it will end up in a fight.
I don't know how to X,Y,Z and it's too hard to learn.

A comment I hear from many clients is about their fear of failure or fear of rejection.  This may show up as doing your job in a "safe" manner or over-indulging those we fear losing.  I mention this because these fears are much more common than people tend to admit.  They stem from childhood, past or current jobs or romances, whatever!

When we are controlled by our limiting beliefs, we tend to live smaller.  We don't try new things or stretch beyond our comfort zone.  Faced with fear, we react in an dis-empowered way because we are SURE that the worst will happen.  We become stuck in our smaller world, convinced that this is better than making waves or trying something different.

So the next question is, "How do I get out from under these limiting beliefs?"
My first response could be, "Hire Me!"  I recently worked with a new client for 6 hours over 2 weeks and he was literally a new person when we were done.  He really did a great job, hanging in there as I helped him challenge or re-frame all the limiting thoughts he had.  By the end he had distanced himself from his original concerns and beliefs so much that he didn't even consider them relevant anymore. 

Choice number two would be to start by wanting to be open to thinking differently, then go through these few steps.
1. Name the limiting belief: (If you're not sure you have one, ask yourself what you are SURE will always happen, will NEVER happen, or look for a place that you are always stuck.)  Example: I don't have enough time to do X,Y,Z.
2. Create a positive belief from a negative one and test it out: (I would prefer to believe that) I DO have time for X,Y,Z.  I will find ways to enjoy X,Y,Z.
3. Write out ways that you can make it possible or test out your positive belief with logic and trial and error.  The key to getting around limiting beliefs is to question them; not in an angry and defiant way, but in a curious way that allows for other options.

I had a client who had a major fear of being in NYC after 9/11.  "It's not safe to be there."  That fear limited his life in many ways- fun, career options, friends.  When he found himself in NY for a very important meeting, he tested his limiting belief and was able to say, "Millions of people are safe in NYC every day, my fear is trying to keep me safe but it's OK, I am safe." He was able to relax and be his confident self.  Little by little he will test the merit of the limiting belief until it doesn't even pop up anymore.

Bottom line, live more consciously and don't believe everything you think!  Become aware of your limiting thoughts and challenge them.  If you are hearing "Can't, shouldn't, or have to," or wonder, "Why did I do that?" then it is time to figure out what is driving your actions.

As always, I am here to help.  Monica@NewStepsLifeCoaching.com

Sunday Night Planning

It's Sunday night and I am back to using my "tree top planner" strategy. What that means is I imagine being up in the top of a tree looking down on my week ahead. I can spend a few minutes dreaming about what I want to accomplish, how I will feel at the end of the week when I've accomplished these things, how will I be closer to my master plan goals, who do I need or want to connect to this week, what have I made commitments to do?

From here I can write a to-do list and I make a list of the people I want to connect to. It helps that I divide my page into major categories like Work, writing, wedding (my daughter's), networking, house, family.

Next I review my calendar; what appointments do I have, where will my exercise fit in, do I need to rearrange anything? Once I've had a chance to review things, I look at my big picture goals and make sure I plug in the things that are important for those goals: time to read and write, time to plan my meals for the week, get to the gym, connect to friends and family, etc. Blocks of time are identified to complete things from my to-do list, as well as time to relax and refresh!

If I have a focus for what I want to get done, I don't get as sidetracked by unimportant distractions and can enjoy my time off, not worrying about what I didn't get done!

Sometimes it's tough working from home, but when I take the time to create a plan, I know I am a more effective, efficient and happy person!

That's my plan and I'm sticking to it! How about you?