The agony, the ecstasy and the irony

It's August 3rd and we're more than half way through the summer.  It's been a real hot one for the record.  Living in CT about 10 miles from the shore, we are somewhat protected from the worst heat, though not near any on-shore breezes.

My husband and I bought an old farm house about 5 years ago.  This house was built in 1795!  (George Washington was still President!)  The previous owners, the last of a 200-year line of their family to live in the house, had stripped it down and rebuilt it with new windows, sheet rock, and master bedroom, but not the modern convenience of air conditioning!

I'm Irish, I can't stand extreme heat or cold.  And I work from home, no respite in an employer's AC.  Window AC units were no longer considered a viable option- my husband refused to do it anymore!  So we've talked about getting some sort of central AC for a while.  (All the kids are married and college paid for so now it's our turn to enjoy life.) It became one of my priorities, not to mention it adds mega value to our house.

It was all talk until Steve discovered the concept of ductless air conditioning- you install a unit on your wall and it connects through the wall to the actual machine outside.  No giant ducts cut through your closets, a much more affordable price too.  I found a local company who could do the work at a price we were willing to pay (Brainard's in Shelton, CT). By the time we made the commitment there were delays due to vacations, waiting for parts, staffing, and it finally got installed yesterday (our wedding anniversary- how appropriate!)  Long story short, we now have AC units in 4 separate zones of the house. 

Agony and Ecstacy are covered, right?

Now for the irony.  We no sooner had it all working and a cool front has moved in.  The whole week we might see high 70's to low 80's.  It was 61 degrees last night and my husband was thrilled to have all the windows of the house open wide.

My bank account will be happier due to the electric bill savings, but I don't get to play with and enjoy my new toy!
I'm sure a heat wave will find it's way to CT soon enough.  Then I will be mighty glad to have knocked this off my wish list.

Together We Can Create for the Sake of Our Family and Friendships

We all know this famous phrase: “And so, my fellow Americans: ask not what your country can do for you--ask what you can do for your country.”
Fewer know the line that follows: “My fellow citizens of the world: ask not what America will do for you, but what together we can do for the freedom of man. “

John F Kennedy spoke these words 50 years ago, on January 20, 1961. They were a call to all- to change their perspective away from being self-focused and toward being citizens of the world. I love that concept, citizen of the world. I’ve thought about these words for the last few weeks and wanted to turn it toward our relationship with loved ones.

I have taken the liberty of turning his phrasing into a motto for me on a personal scale:

“Ask not what my loved ones will do for me, but what together we can create for the sake of our family and friendships.”
What can we CREATE together? What can we deliberately do that will be for the sake of the family and friends, rather than just for me? In the long run we will benefit from the stronger connection that develops.

What might this look like in action?
• Put the laptop, iphone, or blackberry down and have a conversation
• Schedule time to do things together
• Outwardly speak words of praise, appreciation and acknowledgment
• Cook a family meal that everyone loves, even if it’s not your favorite or takes more time than usual
• Admit you are wrong when appropriate and accept an apology when it is offered
• Hold back judgment and offer acceptance instead
• Find a way to listen, even when it is the hardest
• Create clear boundaries and expectations so that there are no more toxic assumptions


The list could go on and on. What would you add?

Relationships are rarely a conscious goal, and yet when they are troubled or tension-filled, they cause the most anxiety for us. Take the time to write your list of ways to create a better relationship for the sake of your family and friendships.
Pick one thing you can do today, one you can do this week, one goal for each month of the year.


"Everybody talks about wanting to change things and help and fix, but ultimately all you can do is fix yourself. And that's a lot. Because if you can fix yourself, it has a ripple effect."
-- Rob Reiner, director

The Choice Is Yours-Time and Substance

We all make choices hundreds of times a day. What to eat, what to wear, what to do each moment of the day. We often make our choices based on external forces and stimulus, rather than our core beliefs and priorities. Somewhere we lose ourselves and let outside influences control us more than they should. They decide for us what is urgent. They tell us we should do this or that... Who or what are they? Boy, that could be a long list! Spouses, family members, the media, "society", the voice of the past, the gremlins that haunt us and tell us we (can't, shouldn't, must, have to...). But ultimately, we have the final choice.
In my search for personal growth and understanding I have chosen to do a lot of reading. The following time-management concept comes from Stephen Covey's "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People."

Everything we do fits into one of these four quadrants:
Important and urgent
Important and not urgent
Unimportant and urgent
Unimportant and not urgent.

So what do we chose to do when the "phone is ringing" (urgent and unimportant), or something equally loud and demanding is happening ? If you chose to answer the loud "phone", what do you have to say no to in order to take time for the phone call? No time to exercise or cook healthy food, no time to read that book you've been really wanting to read, no time to contemplate that change in career, not enough quality time with your family, not enough time for a good night's sleep... Maybe that "phone call" is really channel surfing on TV or playing freecell on the computer. (I am the first to admit to this fault.) Maybe its spending time with people who aren't really a priority instead of the ones who are. What are the consequences of your choices?
Are you stepping over your values in order to answer that "urgent" interruption?

If you spent the next 30 minutes writing down 10 things that you would LIKE to spend your time on over the next hour, week or month, it will help you focus on what is really important to you.  These are the important and not urgent things that will make a difference in your life.

Here is some of my list:
Work on my book: The Empowered Bride
Crochet an afghan for my friend's baby.
Print off some of the photos from my trip last October and my daughter's wedding in August.
Organize and de-clutter my closet so I can find everything.
Write 2 presentations to expand my repertoire for Lunch and Learns in the corporate setting.
Work out to my Dancing with the Stars video

The game plan to make these "Wants" a reality includes estimating time needed, putting them on your calendar, believing they are important to you and worthy of your time, and then getting them done!  Connect to the "Why so important." How will you feel when they are done?  What benefits do they have for you, for your family or co-workers or friends?

Stay connected to your why and you will find a way to make them happen.
And find an accountability partner to insure you stay on top of things!

Sunday Night Planning

It's Sunday night and I am back to using my "tree top planner" strategy. What that means is I imagine being up in the top of a tree looking down on my week ahead. I can spend a few minutes dreaming about what I want to accomplish, how I will feel at the end of the week when I've accomplished these things, how will I be closer to my master plan goals, who do I need or want to connect to this week, what have I made commitments to do?

From here I can write a to-do list and I make a list of the people I want to connect to. It helps that I divide my page into major categories like Work, writing, wedding (my daughter's), networking, house, family.

Next I review my calendar; what appointments do I have, where will my exercise fit in, do I need to rearrange anything? Once I've had a chance to review things, I look at my big picture goals and make sure I plug in the things that are important for those goals: time to read and write, time to plan my meals for the week, get to the gym, connect to friends and family, etc. Blocks of time are identified to complete things from my to-do list, as well as time to relax and refresh!

If I have a focus for what I want to get done, I don't get as sidetracked by unimportant distractions and can enjoy my time off, not worrying about what I didn't get done!

Sometimes it's tough working from home, but when I take the time to create a plan, I know I am a more effective, efficient and happy person!

That's my plan and I'm sticking to it! How about you?

“We spend January 1 walking through our lives, room by room, drawing up a list of work to be done, cracks to be patched. Maybe this year, to balance the list, we ought to walk through the rooms of our lives... not looking for flaws, but for potential.” - Ellen Goodman

I was sent this quote today, and it really struck a chord. I have been putting off my to-do of "2010 Goals" and I think what I want to do first is review my "2009 successes." My coaching group is using these 3 questions to help see what worked in 2009 before jumping to what I want to improve in 2010.

1. What were your 3 most important wins in 2009?
2. What were your 3 most energizing events/activities during the year?
3. What did you learn from your wins and your energizers that you want to carry forward into 2010?

It is a guideline you can use for every month, every quarter, or every year.
What this quote makes me realize is that I have much to be grateful for and many successes to build upon. I don't have to make up new big goals or challenges. It doesn't have to be hard. I don't have to become someone else in order to have a "successful" year.

Look to what is working, find the potential in that, and build on it. I intend to concentrate on what I am really attracted to and just turn up my focus and attention another notch.

Happy New Year.

Serendipitous Moment

I’ve been “blogless” due to other writing responsibilities but now I’ve been inspired! Have you ever had an issue or topic on your mind and then you just happen to find a quote or article that exactly matches what you are trying to say? That has happened to me a few times in my life. Several years ago I was preparing for my installation as the President of my community service organization. I had no idea what I was going to say that evening as I accepted my position. And then I read my daily horoscope. I forget what it said now, but it was perfect and I shared the message with my friends that night. I remember sharing how serendipity plays a part in our lives at the strangest times.
Just the other day it happened to me again. I had spent several weeks working on a newsletter and then a workshop, both dealing with habits and goals. I was getting off track, way behind schedule but I took a break to check through my emails. That’s when I found “Quote of the day” sitting in my in-box. It was from Brian Tracy, a motivational speaker, author and trainer. I get a new quote sent to me almost every day. If I had been using my “Important VS Unimportant” strategy encouraged by Stephen Covey, I would have skipped the email and gone back to my writing. But something told me to open it. The quote said, “A Goal Without a Plan is Only a Dream.”
Here I was trying to put my thoughts into a two-hour workshop about creating goals and making dreams a reality and these 9 words hit my in-box. They say it all. They hopefully motivate someone to make their dreams a reality by taking their goals and making them part of a full plan. As I wrote in my newsletter a few weeks ago, I believe that the way to create a master plan takes dreams, then planning, then specific goals, and then steps to take action. And here was this brief quote reinforcing all I wanted to teach!
In my workshop today, 24 participants and I took a goal that meant a lot to many of them, “I will de-clutter my home by Dec. 20, 2009” and we created a plan that everyone in the room could believe in. We took a dream, a dream that clearly meant a lot to the woman who suggested it, and we broke it down into manageable steps. As part of the full goal we picked one room, the kitchen and figured out 10 areas to focus on- countertops, fridge, table top, junk drawer, etc. We calculated an estimate for each area and decided that a typical messy kitchen could take up to 12 hours to purge, scour, organize and declutter. We discussed all the saboteur voices that might try to discourage us like, ”It will be too hard or too overwhelming or too time consuming.” We found a positive perspective, “It is possible if I break it into manageable steps and put the time blocks in my calendar.” Someone mentioned the strategy of “Only touch each item once.” In other words don’t move things into this pile and then that one and then set it aside to eventually do something about it. That led to a discussion about preparing places ahead of time to put important papers.
At the end of a 15-minute discussion we had a plan that most people in the room could move forward with. We took a goal, created a plan, and made people hopeful that a dream could become reality.
In today’s story, a goal plus a plan can make a dream come true!
[That is what coaching is all about! It’s like buying a self-help book and being personally guided by the author! If you want some help in the same way just call me! I do free sample sessions several times a week. 203-209-5462.]