Journey to Happiness Part 1 Personal Awareness

I was going through my folder of "ideas" for a blog topic and I found this:
Explore 6 Steps to a Happier Life
Personal Awareness: Values, Goals, and Life Patterns
Setting Priorities and Standards for the neglected area
Adjusting your limiting beliefs that keep you stuck
Time Management Tools to Find the Missing Time!
Stress Busters that fit into your lifestyle
Relationship tools to bring more positive energy into your life

These 6 topics really sum up everything I have been doing as a coach and on my own personal journey for the last 3 years.  I'll start with step one and create a blog for each.

Personal Awareness of values, goals and life patterns

I am turning 54 soon and I have to say, until I began my coaching courses in 2006, I don't think I ever really thought about my values,  I had a poor record for setting or achieving goals, and I had no idea what pattern my life was following. Since I took my courses and have had a coach to help me focus on some of these things, I have spent more time and effort to really look at what they mean to me and then do something about them. 

So what do I value?  The list is long so I will limit it to two.
I value family and close relationships above all else.  I haven't always been the best at relationships and I am consciously working on rectifying that.  I feel I am closer to being able to authentically relate to people the way I want to with almost all the people in my life.  I was coaching a woman and her business partner recently and I could see how much they were struggling to be honest with each other without hurting each other's feelings.  Sometimes we don't like to hear what others are trying to tell us.  And sometimes we don't know how to tell someone what is bothering us.  But if we don't speak up or don't ask, we are living our lives on the surface instead of going deep and being real.  Now I am finding ways to feed my relationships with positive, nurturing dialogue and actions that help me feel proactive and bring my relationships to a new level of connection or friendship or closeness that I didn't always have.

Another strong value I have is becoming a successful business owner.  I love my work as a life and relationship coach.   I feel so happy when my clients move into action around an issue that is important to them or have AHA moments that are transformational.  At first I spent a lot of time in my little world and hoped people would find me.  Now I am actively reaching out and putting myself in situations that allow me to share my passion and connect with potential clients.  If I believe in what I do, then I MUST reach out to help others.  Otherwise I am doing the world a disservice.

A life pattern I gradually identified through my own coaching process was the fact that I shrunk in the face of fear.  Most people lack confidence in some area of their life, and I consistently sold myself short in anything related to my schooling and career, from the time I was a teenager.  Applying for colleges at the last minute, NOT applying to schools that would require major travel or cost more money, Not taking a licensing exam after 3 years of studying to be an Athletic Trainer.  I do give myself credit for going away to school and paying for it myself (no money when there were 10 kids in our family!)  I got a degree in Physical Education but changed my career path after I graduated.  I got married and had kids right away!
To some extent I have broken the pattern and I am facing my fears and doing things anyway.  I am so excited and passionate about coaching that a new pattern has become problematic- I jump from idea to idea and lack some follow-through.  It's actually not a new pattern, but my awareness is getting keener.
That's what change is all about: becoming aware, acknowledging what I am doing and what is not working, accepting my strengths and weaknesses, then accessing my choices to move out of my rut and taking action toward the change I want.
Whew!  That's a mouthful.  My colleague Anna Cole and I call it the 5 A Change Process.
More on that later.
If you would like to join Anna and I for a "Building Lasting Relationships" teleclass please go to my website for more information.  www.newstepslifecoaching.com/workshops_and_teleclasses


Have a happy and aware day.

Relationship Tip #1

I have a unique opportunity to be a published author, part of an Anthology book with about 35 other women.  (Release date March 7, more info later.) I'm writing about my personal and professional transformation over the last few years.  Not only did I become a life and relationship coach, I became conscious of the world of relationships;  how to recognize relationship toxins and how to make conscious choices that will strengthen and nourish rather than isolate and destroy.

Relationship Tip #1 If you treasure your relationships, keep that in mind when difficulties arise. Let your actions be for the good of the relationship, not the good of your pride.

To put it another way: What is more important, the long-term health of a relationship, or winning a small battle?
If you do something that makes someone feel angry, annoyed, unheard, ignored, diminished, wrong, stupid, unimportant, etc, then admit it and apologize.  Most of the time, we don't mean to make others feel bad.  All the more reason to acknowledge that you messed up and are sorry. This is the perfect opportunity to let that other person know how much you mean to them.  Share what you treasure about your relationship and clear up any misunderstandings before they can grow into disasters.
When someone feels heard and cared for, they are able to connect with you on a whole new level.

Case in point: I had a co-facilitator on an on-going project and I was doing something that really bothered her but she hadn't shared it with me.  When she finally did, I swallowed my pride, consciously chose to apologize instead of getting defensive, and asked her what she needed me to do in order for her to feel better about things.  I didn't realize my actions were bothering her but her complaint made sense and we agreed on an action that kept us both happy. 
Imagine the outcome if I had gotten defensive.  It would have sounded more like, "I'm right and you're wrong." 
Imagine if she had yelled at me and criticized me instead of calmly expressing what was bothering her.
Remember this scenario the next time your boss says something to you or your teen makes a mistake. 
If you remain calm and keep the long-term goal of your relationship in mind, you will make the right choices.

Think of your relationship as its own separate entity.  It has needs and wants.  It needs good communication.  It needs nourishment, positive interactions, caring and love.  It needs teamwork and aligned goals. 
Good luck, and please feel free to share a time when you took the high road for the sake of your relationship.