Vacations- Whose job is it anyway?

I just came back from a fabulous vacation with my husband.  We celebrated 30 years of marriage in August, no small feat!  We've (or should I say I've) talked about going to Italy for at least 15 years and the opportunity came up and we took it.  2 days in Rome and then a cruise on the Mediterranean.  Heaven.

What does it take, besides money, to go on a big vacation like that?  Weeks or months of preparation- arranging work schedules, buying some needed clothes, a new bathing suit (still wore my trusty old one), packing up medicines and toiletries, arranging our dog sitter, holding the mail and the newspapers, getting the house ready, paying bills ahead of time, getting Euros to bring with us...  Like any event in our lives this required lists and more lists.  I managed to remember everything, though I somehow lost my travel alarm clock.  I do all the list making and packing, my husband basically just does what he is asked and shows up.  He's the one working 15 hour days so I don't mind. 

Why is it that a man can pack in a matter of 1 hour and it takes me days- thinking about outfits, purses, shoes, etc.  I spent 2 days just doing laundry and making piles of potential clothes.  I remembered to pack his ipod and headphones for jogging and his post-running tablets for rehydrating while he remembered to pack his sneakers.  It's interesting that I think about what he'll need but I'm sure he never gives a thought about what I packed or didn't pack.  Maybe that is the built-in mother role I have permanently assumed.  He just trusts that I will remember what I need.  As he says, "As long as I have my passport and wallet, everything else is extra."

It's funny how I've noticed the way we drop into our roles, even on vacation or right when we got back.  I am the fact-finder, the arranger of things.  I got all the tour books and decided what excursions we went on, spending hours on websites and making decisions.  When I signed up for the experience with the dolphins, Steve chose to stay on the ship and read his book.  When I got back from my excursion we explored Malta for a few hours before the ship took off for the next port.  I'm the exploring type and Steve is the stay put type.  He would never walk off the ship and explore the city by himself.

When we got back from our trip I immediately jumped into laundry and unpacking mode while Steve jumped into yard work duty.  Roles are embedded in our every day lives.  After 2 days of laundry, processing mail, and catching up on sleep, I'm avoiding all the other household roles like grocery shopping and vacuuming.  I even avoided my emails for 2 days.  Tomrrow will come soon enough.  In the mean time I have 1300 pictures to look at on my computer!

My first picture in Rome- the infamous Trevi Fountain

Lucas the dophin came over to play with us.

The ceiling of a church in La Valetta, Malta- amazing!

Technology Overcome!

Hi Everyone,
This is round two of the same post, as I work out some technology- like what frozen picture you see of me before you start the video, or when you get the post in your email.  Hopefully I don't look like one of those Christmas Carolers in mid word with a round mouth and squinted eyes!  Bear with me as I travel on my learning curve....

Check out my new video abilities.  Necessity is truly the motivating force for overcoming an obstacle like technology.
What technology challenge has you stumped?  It's time to over come it! If you have a Mac you can go to any Apple store and get free help in 20-30 minutes doses (though I chose to do the "I'll try to do this myself" method).  If you don't have a Mac, there is likely to be some teenager in your life who knows a lot more than you.  Barter for some help!
Good luck.
~Monica
PS If you are seeing a still photo in your blackberry or email, go to the actual blog for the video.

The Aftermath of a Life-altering event

It's 10 days since my daughter's wedding and I'm still not back to my "schedule." Of course, my life has NO schedule, so there lies the problem. I've spent the better part of the last 3 months so engrossed with Melissa's wedding- calls to vendors and my daughters, working on all the details, thinking proactively to anticipate every moment and potential issue, making lists, etc, that I don't know what a normal schedule is any more.

How do you get back into a routine after a life-altering or all-consuming event?

I suppose if I had a 9-5 job or young kids at home to force me into a routine, that might help. Instead, I work from home and much of my motivation has to come from within.
It's 1pm and I've done a million things today (except get dressed).
*Client call at 8am.
*Breakfast routine for my dog Celtie and me.
*30 minutes reading "Wedding Goddess" for my market analysis for book proposal (I am writing a book called The Empowered Bride and working on the proposal to send to an agent).
*Semi-Quick look through emails
*30 minute call about a community service fundraiser I am doing this Friday
*45 minute chat with my older daughter Christine (got a kick in the butt to keep writing so I can sell lots of books, promote my business, and help my husband retire early.)

I have a call at 3 with a fellow coach who is going to ask me if I made the promised number of calls I said I would make by 3pm. These are business calls mind you. So far, I have made 0 business calls. I'd rather read Wedding Goddess and see how MY book will be better! My accountability is at question, so now I am in a panic!

There is the nagging thought that I SHOULD get the house clean and walk the dog and put away a few last wedding items or prepare for Melissa and Chris' return from their honeymoon. They will stay with us for a day and then head to Virginia (sniff!)
Even my blogging gets distracted by talking about semi-wedding stuff!

I hate the word SHOULD so I am going to do what I want to do right now.
I am going to get dressed and call some wedding vendors and set up appointments to talk about my book and my wedding coaching service and see where that gets me!

As for the aftermath of a life-altering event, I guess declaring a schedule and getting dressed first would help!
Any other suggestions? Please help!

Forgiveness and apologies

“We must forgive those we feel have wronged us, not because they deserve to be forgiven, but because we love ourselves so much we don’t want to keep paying for the injustice.”
Quote from The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz

Forgiveness is a gift to yourself and to the person you are forgiving. If you hold on to a grudge it will eat away at you and your other relationships. Many a family, friendship, and work setting has been torn apart by a grudge. I know from direct experience.

If someone offends you in some way, I'd like you to keep a few things in mind.
*They may not have intended to hurt you.
*There might be information you are not aware of.
*If their offense is connected to a personality trait, (she's always so nosey), it may actually be your interpretation of that trait. Maybe she is just curious, or socially awkward, trying to fit in...
*You can't change another person, you can only change what you think and what you do about it.

Apologies and forgiveness. They go hand in hand. As someone who has a hard time with apologies, I will admit I had a hard time forgiving as well. Now I try to offer them up as instantly as I perceive they are needed. We are all human and humans make mistakes. To believe otherwise is foolishness.

So go out there and make amends where ever it is needed. Everyone deserves a second chance. You will feel better, and so will they! That's what peace of mind is all about- to know that you have done everything possible for yourself and others. Let go of that grudge!

My daughter's wedding

After 10 months of planning and a life time of anticipation, my youngest daughter Melissa was married on August 28, 2010. It was a beautiful wedding and we are very happy with her choice for a husband. Chris went to school with Melissa at the University of Mary Washington and they have known each other for 6 years.

I have written all about the wedding prep and wedding day (including pictures) in my other blog. Check it out! www.theempoweredbride.com/blog.


As a coach, I'd like to say that my daughter and I did everything right. It was my third try at being Mother of...and things got better each time. We talked about things ahead of time, we planned together as a team, we were honest about our feelings after missteps were taken (only a few), and we were able to share this whole process with my other daughter Christine (a truly amazing wedding planner).
If we had the chance to do it all over again, I don't know what we would change (besides a few minor details) because honestly, it was picture perfect.


The mother-daughter relationship is a very special bond. When it's right it adds such pleasure to your life. I am blessed to say I have that with both my daughters. Our relationship will be in transition for a while as she settles into the new role of wife, not to mention settling into her new home in VA with her husband Chris.

Wow! My children are all married. And now I am officially in an empty nest. I guess it's time for me to ramp up my connection with my husband Steve! We are taking a long-overdue trip for our 30th wedding anniversary to Rome and a cruise in the Mediterranean.

As for my professional life, I am coaching, networking, and doing presentations on a number of subjects. I am also working on a book called The Empowered Bride. Next will be something for The Mother of the Bride. After 3 children getting married in just over 3 years, I have much insight to share and want to fill the void of relationship knowledge in the midst of planning a wedding.

Here's to Melissa and Chris, the newlyweds, and the life they will share together.

I finally did it!

I am a life coach. With that comes the responsibility of doing the things I encourage my clients to do- like de-clutter or get my house in order. De-cluttering has always been a problem of mine. I get attached to things, I save too much, I don't take the time to set up a system or put things away or file for that matter. Then after things pile up, I get frustrated and try to tackle it.

For the last 15 months it has been my goal to clean up my bedroom. I moved here 4 years ago and still hadn't put everything away. I was almost done last summer when I stopped short of completion. What was left was the 3 boxes of papers that needed sorting, thinning out, or filing. The desk had a layer of old bills and notes about this and that. My dresser had piles of winter socks and assorted small items. My side of the bathroom vanity was piled high with makeup, hair products and jewelry.

This year I've been motivated by the fact that my daughter is getting married and the photographer will be taking pictures upstairs- Melissa getting ready, Melissa and her bridal party, Melissa and her proud mom, whatever!

So yesterday, after talking with MY life coach (yes I have a coach too)about why I've been resisting the final push, I set up a schedule and did it! I stayed focused on the task. I resisted my computer, the phone, the to-do list,the refrigerator and my dog. Now the taxes are all filed, the papers are put away, and donations are in a bag heading to Goodwill. I even tackled the master bath. Toiletries are thinned out and shelved, and the jewelry is organized.

I am quite proud of myself. When I woke up this morning, I no longer had to look at a messy desk or bookshelf, cluttered corners or a messy bathroom. I could open my eyes and enjoy what I was seeing! The wedding is 10 days away and I am ready. Woo Hoo!

See beyond the obstacles

I don't usually talk about my spiritual life publicly, but this week's church sermon really got me thinking. We had a guest priest in church this past weekend, an Irish friend of our pastor. He mentioned the story of St. Bernadette, who heard the voice of Mary every day for 2 weeks. Mary asked Bernadette to visit the grotto day after day until it started to draw very large crowds. (Her hometown of Lourdes, France is now famous because of Bernadette), but by the 14th day the police had blocked off the grotto. Bernadette had to go to the other side of the stream, climb up the terrain a bit and look down on the grotto from a distance, beyond all the obstacles, in order to see Mary in the grotto. Father Harris made the comparison to our lives, where we come to church daily or weekly to be with God and get beyond all the obstacles in our lives; work and family demands, technology, the hustle and bustle of life.

This concept of seeing our lives from above the obstacles is what life coaching has done for me and what I try to do for my clients. Don't let the hustle and bustle of life, along with its demands and obstacles, keep you from seeing what your life purpose is. Don't let the inner obstacles of fear or doubt keep you from living the life that you are meant to live. Where is your focus? The distractions or the distant path yet traveled?

Take some time to envision the possible paths your life can take.
Make the time to evaluate the obstacles that are keeping you blocked.
Create a plan or strategy to bust through the obstacles now, before you waste more time submitting to your fears, doubts, and trivialities of life.
Make your life mean something powerful.
And finally, connect to what ever spirituality allows you to be one with yourself without judgment or criticism. Accept who you are and be the best you can be.

Have a great day.
~Monica