Serendipity and the art of manifesting what you want

 I have been practicing the art of manifesting lately, putting it out in the universe what I want or need.  A majority of thoughts are in reference to my professional life; I need some new clients to help pay for additional training I am going through, I need to find a particular business person, I'm curious about new avenues for my coaching.  People just show up and seem to fit the bill.  It's uncanny.
Today was a good example of that.  I co-lead a networking group for women and we normally meet at the chamber of commerce.  They just moved into a new location and the conference room isn't available yet.  We're 10 days away from the next meeting and no place to meet yet.  I had confidence something would come up and it did...
I was at the local cafe meeting with a group of women (a different networking group) and a woman sat down at an adjacent table.  She looked very familiar.  After our meeting was over I got up to leave and the woman stood up to greet me.  She said, "I know you from somewhere, I am Reverend Janet."  I immediately placed her as the officiant at my daughter's friend's wedding 7 months ago and I had been wanting to reach out to her about my coaching to see if we could work together in some way. 
She had observed our group and was excited to see genuine networking in action.  It turns out not only does Rev. Janet want to start a women's networking group for non-profits and service providers, but her church has a large meeting room.  I asked if my group could use it next week and she said yes.
I told her about my coaching business, which is going in the direction of facilitating workshops and giving presentations to groups of parents and professionals. Rev Janet and I are going to meet for coffee soon.  New avenues are percolating as we speak.
Hallelujiah!


What are your dreams and goals?  What are you consciously "asking for" from the universe?

Together We Can Create for the Sake of Our Family and Friendships

We all know this famous phrase: “And so, my fellow Americans: ask not what your country can do for you--ask what you can do for your country.”
Fewer know the line that follows: “My fellow citizens of the world: ask not what America will do for you, but what together we can do for the freedom of man. “

John F Kennedy spoke these words 50 years ago, on January 20, 1961. They were a call to all- to change their perspective away from being self-focused and toward being citizens of the world. I love that concept, citizen of the world. I’ve thought about these words for the last few weeks and wanted to turn it toward our relationship with loved ones.

I have taken the liberty of turning his phrasing into a motto for me on a personal scale:

“Ask not what my loved ones will do for me, but what together we can create for the sake of our family and friendships.”
What can we CREATE together? What can we deliberately do that will be for the sake of the family and friends, rather than just for me? In the long run we will benefit from the stronger connection that develops.

What might this look like in action?
• Put the laptop, iphone, or blackberry down and have a conversation
• Schedule time to do things together
• Outwardly speak words of praise, appreciation and acknowledgment
• Cook a family meal that everyone loves, even if it’s not your favorite or takes more time than usual
• Admit you are wrong when appropriate and accept an apology when it is offered
• Hold back judgment and offer acceptance instead
• Find a way to listen, even when it is the hardest
• Create clear boundaries and expectations so that there are no more toxic assumptions


The list could go on and on. What would you add?

Relationships are rarely a conscious goal, and yet when they are troubled or tension-filled, they cause the most anxiety for us. Take the time to write your list of ways to create a better relationship for the sake of your family and friendships.
Pick one thing you can do today, one you can do this week, one goal for each month of the year.


"Everybody talks about wanting to change things and help and fix, but ultimately all you can do is fix yourself. And that's a lot. Because if you can fix yourself, it has a ripple effect."
-- Rob Reiner, director

The Choice Is Yours-Time and Substance

We all make choices hundreds of times a day. What to eat, what to wear, what to do each moment of the day. We often make our choices based on external forces and stimulus, rather than our core beliefs and priorities. Somewhere we lose ourselves and let outside influences control us more than they should. They decide for us what is urgent. They tell us we should do this or that... Who or what are they? Boy, that could be a long list! Spouses, family members, the media, "society", the voice of the past, the gremlins that haunt us and tell us we (can't, shouldn't, must, have to...). But ultimately, we have the final choice.
In my search for personal growth and understanding I have chosen to do a lot of reading. The following time-management concept comes from Stephen Covey's "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People."

Everything we do fits into one of these four quadrants:
Important and urgent
Important and not urgent
Unimportant and urgent
Unimportant and not urgent.

So what do we chose to do when the "phone is ringing" (urgent and unimportant), or something equally loud and demanding is happening ? If you chose to answer the loud "phone", what do you have to say no to in order to take time for the phone call? No time to exercise or cook healthy food, no time to read that book you've been really wanting to read, no time to contemplate that change in career, not enough quality time with your family, not enough time for a good night's sleep... Maybe that "phone call" is really channel surfing on TV or playing freecell on the computer. (I am the first to admit to this fault.) Maybe its spending time with people who aren't really a priority instead of the ones who are. What are the consequences of your choices?
Are you stepping over your values in order to answer that "urgent" interruption?

If you spent the next 30 minutes writing down 10 things that you would LIKE to spend your time on over the next hour, week or month, it will help you focus on what is really important to you.  These are the important and not urgent things that will make a difference in your life.

Here is some of my list:
Work on my book: The Empowered Bride
Crochet an afghan for my friend's baby.
Print off some of the photos from my trip last October and my daughter's wedding in August.
Organize and de-clutter my closet so I can find everything.
Write 2 presentations to expand my repertoire for Lunch and Learns in the corporate setting.
Work out to my Dancing with the Stars video

The game plan to make these "Wants" a reality includes estimating time needed, putting them on your calendar, believing they are important to you and worthy of your time, and then getting them done!  Connect to the "Why so important." How will you feel when they are done?  What benefits do they have for you, for your family or co-workers or friends?

Stay connected to your why and you will find a way to make them happen.
And find an accountability partner to insure you stay on top of things!

Healthy Living

If you're feeling stuck and you don't know how to make the changes in your life that will propel you forward in a healthy way, I'd like to suggest one thing. Literally, do ONE thing today that is different from your usual routine. Eat a new meal, find a new way to exercise, find one little boundary for yourself (no food after 8pm or only one small sweet per day). Commit to that ONE thing for the next week. Think about how it embraces the "new you" vision. Think about how great you will feel having done something positive for yourself. That feeling will grow as you act in a positive way each day. You will be taking control of your life by making healthier choices.

Break out of that stuck place and create new momentum with ONE daily action.
You can do it!

“We spend January 1 walking through our lives, room by room, drawing up a list of work to be done, cracks to be patched. Maybe this year, to balance the list, we ought to walk through the rooms of our lives... not looking for flaws, but for potential.” - Ellen Goodman

I was sent this quote today, and it really struck a chord. I have been putting off my to-do of "2010 Goals" and I think what I want to do first is review my "2009 successes." My coaching group is using these 3 questions to help see what worked in 2009 before jumping to what I want to improve in 2010.

1. What were your 3 most important wins in 2009?
2. What were your 3 most energizing events/activities during the year?
3. What did you learn from your wins and your energizers that you want to carry forward into 2010?

It is a guideline you can use for every month, every quarter, or every year.
What this quote makes me realize is that I have much to be grateful for and many successes to build upon. I don't have to make up new big goals or challenges. It doesn't have to be hard. I don't have to become someone else in order to have a "successful" year.

Look to what is working, find the potential in that, and build on it. I intend to concentrate on what I am really attracted to and just turn up my focus and attention another notch.

Happy New Year.

You Wouldn’t Let Them Play With Matches, Would You?

Twenty-something years ago when my two older children were just 3 and 4 years old, I was complaining to my mother about discipline issues. The kids weren’t behaving and I was sounding rather exasperated about what I wanted them to do or didn’t want them to do. My mother said something to me that has stuck with me ever since. She said, “You wouldn’t let them play with matches, would you?” Of course I said, “No,” emphatically. And she said, “Then don’t let them do that! Don’t be wishy-washy. Be firm about what you find unacceptable behavior and they will understand.” (I think that’s the Dog Whisperer’s way of saying, “Be the Alpha Dog.”)

Fast forward 23 years and what does that have to do with finding balance and fulfillment in your family life and a strong sense of self for your children? Deciding as a parent what you believe in and the values you hold dear are important to setting the ground rules for your family life. Being wishy-washy and lax will serve no purpose in building character and commitment in your children or in yourself.

On the other hand, if you come to parenthood with a plan, work on that plan with your spouse, and continue to mold and nurture that plan, you will see wonderful things develop.
If you explore your VALUES and what you want to pass on to your children, then the teachable moments and opportunities will spring up all around you.
If you define your personal and family PRIORITIES they will become more influential in affecting your actions and COMMITMENTS.
If you learn to champion and acknowledge your children, yourself and your spouse, you will all know your STRENGTHS and will feel like you can accomplish anything.
If you’re honest about your gremlins or saboteurs, the things that hold you back in life, then you won’t pass them on to your children.

As a parent, or for any human being, if you never develop goals or a plan, you will always be tumbling in the waves of life and never riding them.
Don’t be bounced around by life and by parenthood.
Stand firm in your values, priorities, strengths, and commitments.
Do your best to champion and acknowledge the values, priorities, strengths and commitments of your family.
And don’t be wishy-washy!

Failure is not what happens when you don’t reach your goals.
Failure is never setting goals to reach for.

Monica Leggett, Life Coach for Individuals and Families looking for their best life.
Contact Monica at 203-209-5462 or Monica@newstepslifecoaching.com.

(This was the first blog I wrote over a year ago, written in honor of my mother, Mary Kay Flannery. As the mother of ten children, she saw it all, achieved so much, and was a great role model for me.)