A Healthy Lifestyle

A doctor will tell you to quit smoking, a health teacher will tell you ways to avoid getting sexually transmitted diseases, the TV will remind you of the many chronic illnesses to avoid like Emphysema, Diabetes, Heart Attacks, etc. The average American woman can probably tell you at least 20 health tips off the top of her head, like drinking more water, avoiding saturated fats, not adding too much salt or sugar to her diet, exercising 30 minutes a day, and giving up sweetened drinks. What most of them have in common is sacrifice, which is why most women don’t follow their own knowledge of how to live a healthier life.

So what will help people choose to follow healthier habits? I believe that working with a life coach can help a person flush out the reasons why she is choosing the wrong habits and help her choose a better way to live. A life coach can help her client assess how she is currently living, what is causing stress and anxiety in her life, and what is NOT working for her. She is then able develop the intentions and strong conviction to reassess her lifestyle, not for a fad diet, but to make life-long changes that come from a new awareness and confidence.

Consistently living healthy habits is more of a mental health issue than a lack of knowledge, for the most part. A happy and fulfilled person who knows how to deal with life’s issues is not the kind of person to binge on sweets or take risks with their health. A woman who is comfortable in her own skin and in healthy relationships with those around her, is emotionally more stable and less likely to fall victim to poor health habits.

As a whole life coach, and a relationship coach, I help women flourish in all aspects of their lives; from personal growth to health and career. If one area of your life is unfulfilled or causing anxiety, it will have an effect on all areas of your life. I enjoy helping my clients see the big picture.

If this interests you, I hope you will contact me for a free consultation.
monica@newstepslifecoaching.com

Whose Job Is It?

What happens when 3 different people all think that one of the other two is taking care of something? The "something" doesn't get done! That's called "a poorly occupied role." When a role is not occupied, the job doesn't get done. "No one took out the garbage, or bought the milk, or paid the mortgage." If a role is super important, and no one claims ownership, a disaster can happen (Ex. paying the bills). If the role is only important to one person and they want another person to do the job, tempers can flare ("Why don't you put things away!) When there are many things going on at once and the plan is not clear, roles can slip through the cracks (event planning, committee work). This happened very recently to me and the end result was very disappointing. There is a lot of "if only" feelings. "If only I had realized that the other two weren't doing it, I would have done it." Or, "If only we had cleared this up ahead of time, we would have taken care of it properly."
How can you go through life without "if only's?" That requires clear communication and developing a plan. Why didn't we create a plan? THAT is an important question. We had a plan that didn't include that role! I suspected things should have been done but never pressed about it. I'm not sure why but I can speculate:
I didn't want to be a bother or be pushy.
I assumed it was being taken care of.
I didn't feel it was my place (I wasn't in charge.)
I didn't have time.
I was avoiding the subject (not my favorite role.)
Wishful thinking that it would be fine without worrying about it.

Well, the wishful thinking wasn't enough. And hoping the role was covered didn't work out either. Next time, there will be a better plan in place and lots of clear communication.

What are you resisting?

I have just about finished preparing my taxes. Woo Hoo! Taxes are the bain of my existence. I have done my own taxes all my life- until last year. I got myself and my husband through 28 years of 1099's, Schedule A's, listing assorted deductions, and even 12 years of a Schedule C for my Discovery Toys business. We bought and sold homes, lived in one state and worked in another (for 18 years now), and so on, and so on. I resist tackling my taxes every year, and when I get around to doing the work- assembling all the forms that come in the mail, going through my checkbook and credit card statements, it ends up being about 15 hours of work. All that resisting for a weekend's worth of stick-to-itiveness. (I know that's not a word).
I guess what I'm getting at is that thinking about and worrying about something for 3 months, that I can really just plow through in a weekend, is ridiculous.
As a life coach I know I am resisting my taxes for a reason, so I have decided to get to the root of the problem and fix it. I realize that I have to be willing to do things I don't enjoy doing every once in a while (like getting a mammogram and a colonoscopy). I know I have other pressing things to do but it doesn't pay to wait to the last minute, especially when we're getting OUR money back. I know I am resisting the fact that this has been my "role" for over 30 years. I have "role nausea!" My husband wouldn't touch the taxes. If I don't do it, who will? Last year I finally brought my taxes to an accountant, but now that I have a business as a coach, I still have to do a ton of organizing of expenses. So those 15 hours are still with me no matter what.
How do I make this easier for next year? If I put a system in place that finishes my 15 hours of prep on December 31st, I could bring my forms to the accountant as soon as I have them all. Brilliant! I have this same thought every year in March. I get things ready for the new year up to March, and then I never look at it again till next March. Drat, it means I have to actually USE the system from March to December! What would that look like?
I will put receipts in the same place when I get them. (I've done a pretty good job of that so far.)
Each week I will enter any receipts and income into my system (excel? quickbooks?) 15 hours of bookkeeping divided by 12 months is only about an hour and 15 minutes every month, or 20 minutes a week. Now, when is a good time each week?
Each time I drive for business or charity I will log it into my book (keep log in the car).
Each bank or credit card statement will be checked for expenses for my business and entered into my system.
Each week after I do my bookkeeping I will treat myself in some way.
I think I can handle 20 minutes a week for the peace of mind I'll have next January. I'll keep you posted.

So what are YOU resisting and why? What are you willing to do that will ease the situation? That which we resist persists, so we might as well look at why we are resisting and find a new way of looking at the issue!
Good luck!

Helping someone in need

I had an opportunity to "step up to the plate" this weekend. I just happened to be in the right place at the right time. Read on:
My daughter and I were at my local library to pick up a form and a woman peeked out of the bathroom door looking very pale and bleeding from her arm. She was asking for help. The mother instinct kicked in as I walked her back into the bathroom. I could tell immediately that she had self-inflicted superficial wounds on her forearm, 20-30 long scratch marks. Some were old and scabbed and some were new and bleeding. I told my daughter to go get a library employee while I walked her to the sink to wash and wrap her arm. (Years of medical emergency background came in handy instinctively. Yes, I kept a towel between me her injuries.)
This woman smelled of alcohol, was about 35-40 years old, was crying and pleading for both help and to kill herself and was very weak in the knees. Her weapon of choice was some sort of plastic razor still laying just inside her purse.

As you can imagine, there were a million thoughts running through my head but the overpowering one was that this woman needed me desperately. I didn't have to fix her or diagnose anything or take her to the hospital myself. I knew help was on the way. I could have walked away in fear or waited outside until help arrived. But I was compelled to BE the help for those important 5 minutes. What she needed was to be held until a chair arrived, comforted as she cried, and listened to as she rambled in order to keep her calm. She had walked to the library to act on her urge to hurt herself in order to spare her 17 year old daughter from seeing her in such a state. I am glad I could be the one to "find her" in that state, rather than her young daughter. I am also glad MY daughter wasn't alone as this woman asked for help but I'm sure she would have been able to get her the help she needed on her own.

I asked the woman if I could get her wallet out of her purse. I found her ID card and could now call her by her first name. She also had a Dept of Social Services card so there was clearly a history of care. I asked her a few questions to engage her and let her talk. She kept asking me "what should I do..." I told her that if I was in that much pain and despair I would want to go to a doctor to get help. I think I was trying to prepare her for what would undoubtedly happen- an ambulance ride to the hospital.

The librarian called the police to provide the professional help she really needed. It was only about 5 minutes before the policeman arrived and I felt glad that I could give him the bits of information I already knew. As he took over, I stepped out of the situation, knowing I had helped this woman in one of the worst moments I can imagine.

I learned a lot about myself this weekend. I learned that my ability to stay calm and not try to fix anything allowed this woman to feel supported. I learned that I can be a little afraid and still help someone. I learned that I was a good placeholder until the experts arrived. I am grateful for having the opportunity to help a woman who so desperately needed my help.

Healthy Living

If you're feeling stuck and you don't know how to make the changes in your life that will propel you forward in a healthy way, I'd like to suggest one thing. Literally, do ONE thing today that is different from your usual routine. Eat a new meal, find a new way to exercise, find one little boundary for yourself (no food after 8pm or only one small sweet per day). Commit to that ONE thing for the next week. Think about how it embraces the "new you" vision. Think about how great you will feel having done something positive for yourself. That feeling will grow as you act in a positive way each day. You will be taking control of your life by making healthier choices.

Break out of that stuck place and create new momentum with ONE daily action.
You can do it!

Intentions VS reality in an unfocused world

I wrote this essay to prove a point. See if you recognize yourself in here...

I woke up with the energy and determination of Hercules. I was on a mission to get things done! The plan was to get some exercise done, eat well, and get some chores off my “To Do” list; laundry- I need my pants cleaned for the meeting tomorrow, groceries, correspondence that was over due.
I quickly dressed in my exercise clothes, brushed my teeth and headed downstairs to let the dog out. I put on a kettle for tea and started upstairs to get the laundry. With this much energy I figured I should strip the beds and grab all the towels while I was at it! When I grabbed the clothes from the hamper some papers fell out of my husbands pants- a pay-stub, tissues, the usual business cards from work contacts. I put the paystub and cards on his dresser and noticed a bill that needed paying. I tucked that in my pocket and headed downstairs to my checkbook.
The kettle was wailing so I made my tea. I ran back upstairs to get all the laundry. It took two trips to the laundry room. But my tea was getting cold so I went back to the kitchen, but what’s tea without the newspaper so I went outside to get the paper. I noticed some weeds near the porch and dug a few out and started a pile that I was sure I could get back to later. Paper in hand I headed back to the kitchen for my tea, which was now cold. Into the microwave to reheat! Ugh!
An hour later I had read the whole paper and finished my tea. Where did the time go? I ran to the laundry room to wash the sheets to start.
I went to my desk to pay the bill I found and realized I hadn’t balanced my checkbook this month. I got out the statement and started checking things off. It took 45 minutes but I found the missing penny! Once the bill was paid I couldn’t find stamps. I pulled everything out of the drawer and nothing there, but I came across some Christmas cards that never got logged into my Christmas registry. That was put away in the basement but I figured no time like the present so off I went to the basement to find the Christmas card box. 30 minutes later I had checked off the 3 cards I found and updated an address.


My stomach began to growl and I realized it was almost noon and I hadn’t eaten breakfast or done my exercises for the day! I still had to put the sheets in the dryer and start the next load of towels. What about the clothes I need for tomorrow’s meeting- that will be load number 3. I also hadn’t started my grocery list or written the letter to the insurance agent I needed to get out. I had no stamps to send the letters so that meant a trip to the post office. I had a pile of weeds started in the yard and it looked like they would sit there until at least tomorrow….
I guess the exercising will wait till tomorrow. I have a lot to do before my 3pm appointment at the dentist. What do I do first?.....

Did you see all my mistakes? How will you live your life differently? If you want some help changing things around and doing what is important in your life in an organized way, send me an email.

A confession for the soul

I never knew how invested I was in being right. I joke with my husband of almost 30 years- "you know it will turn out that I was right." And often I am. But when I am wrong, I never realized how defensive I was getting. Change the subject, or defend my actions, I'd find some way to deflect ever having to say, "You're right. I apologize."

I am involved in many activities that require teamwork, partnership, and collaboration. And in one case I was doing something that really bothered the other person. I didnt' know it, I didn't realize it, I didn't even have it on my radar of things that could be going on. We had a real grown up conversation and allowed each other to air our concerns for what was happening and to my surprise, I was confronted with a situation to act my old way (being defensive) or take on a new way of being. I accepted full responsibility for my actions (leaving her name off emails), I apologized for making her feel the way she felt (left out and isolated), and we resolved what I could do to make things better (include her name and contact info on all future correspondence). It was such a small shift with such a huge outcome. That was a real learning experience for me! You CAN teach an old dog new tricks!

I am encouraged to know that all these courses in relationship coaching have helped ME on MY journey of becoming a better person. I want to share that with all of my clients as well. Join me for my first free teleclass March 11 at 7pm EST where we will explore positive intentions in relationships. email me at monica@newstepslifecoaching.com for more details.