Serendipity and the art of manifesting what you want

 I have been practicing the art of manifesting lately, putting it out in the universe what I want or need.  A majority of thoughts are in reference to my professional life; I need some new clients to help pay for additional training I am going through, I need to find a particular business person, I'm curious about new avenues for my coaching.  People just show up and seem to fit the bill.  It's uncanny.
Today was a good example of that.  I co-lead a networking group for women and we normally meet at the chamber of commerce.  They just moved into a new location and the conference room isn't available yet.  We're 10 days away from the next meeting and no place to meet yet.  I had confidence something would come up and it did...
I was at the local cafe meeting with a group of women (a different networking group) and a woman sat down at an adjacent table.  She looked very familiar.  After our meeting was over I got up to leave and the woman stood up to greet me.  She said, "I know you from somewhere, I am Reverend Janet."  I immediately placed her as the officiant at my daughter's friend's wedding 7 months ago and I had been wanting to reach out to her about my coaching to see if we could work together in some way. 
She had observed our group and was excited to see genuine networking in action.  It turns out not only does Rev. Janet want to start a women's networking group for non-profits and service providers, but her church has a large meeting room.  I asked if my group could use it next week and she said yes.
I told her about my coaching business, which is going in the direction of facilitating workshops and giving presentations to groups of parents and professionals. Rev Janet and I are going to meet for coffee soon.  New avenues are percolating as we speak.
Hallelujiah!


What are your dreams and goals?  What are you consciously "asking for" from the universe?

Enjoying the Holidays on the Road

"What will your children remember? Moments spent listening, talking, playing and sharing together may be the most important times of all."

-- Gloria Gaither

Our youngest daughter went to college in Fredericksburg, VA, over 300 miles from home.  It’s a beautiful town, full of character and history, which is right up my husband’s alley.  Steve loved to see the town all lit up in its festive glory for the holiday season.  It became a tradition to go down to VA together a day early when we picked Melissa up for Christmas break.  We would stay at the Kenmore Inn, a historic old mansion that offered a comfortable home base for our exploring.

When Melissa graduated from college and we no longer had the excuse to go to Fredericksburg, it was a little bittersweet.  So now that she is married and living in Alexandria, we decided to go visit her and Christopher and plan a day trip to Fredericksburg. I think the kids were more excited to see the changes to the college campus, though jumping in and out of the shops on Main St. was fun too.  We found some great gifts for family members and had a wonderful lunch in the local pub.

Ironically, we watched the town’s Main St transform into the bustling sideshow for their Christmas Parade, and stores closed early to enjoy the event.  We could have had front row seats, but we chose to get out of town before the traffic turned into a bottleneck. We didn’t get to the James Monroe Museum or the Apothecary where my daughter used to work in her 1780’s costume, but we had fun, and enjoyed sharing our favorite stores, gift ideas and spending time with each other.

The next day we explored Old Towne Alexandria, which is about 10 times the size of downtown Fredericksburg and has even more to offer.  I see the tradition transforming before our eyes!

What family moments do you remember that you can repeat?  What tradition do you want to resurrect?  Or what new tradition would you like to start for the next generation?  The sky’s the limit.

The agony, the ecstasy and the irony

It's August 3rd and we're more than half way through the summer.  It's been a real hot one for the record.  Living in CT about 10 miles from the shore, we are somewhat protected from the worst heat, though not near any on-shore breezes.

My husband and I bought an old farm house about 5 years ago.  This house was built in 1795!  (George Washington was still President!)  The previous owners, the last of a 200-year line of their family to live in the house, had stripped it down and rebuilt it with new windows, sheet rock, and master bedroom, but not the modern convenience of air conditioning!

I'm Irish, I can't stand extreme heat or cold.  And I work from home, no respite in an employer's AC.  Window AC units were no longer considered a viable option- my husband refused to do it anymore!  So we've talked about getting some sort of central AC for a while.  (All the kids are married and college paid for so now it's our turn to enjoy life.) It became one of my priorities, not to mention it adds mega value to our house.

It was all talk until Steve discovered the concept of ductless air conditioning- you install a unit on your wall and it connects through the wall to the actual machine outside.  No giant ducts cut through your closets, a much more affordable price too.  I found a local company who could do the work at a price we were willing to pay (Brainard's in Shelton, CT). By the time we made the commitment there were delays due to vacations, waiting for parts, staffing, and it finally got installed yesterday (our wedding anniversary- how appropriate!)  Long story short, we now have AC units in 4 separate zones of the house. 

Agony and Ecstacy are covered, right?

Now for the irony.  We no sooner had it all working and a cool front has moved in.  The whole week we might see high 70's to low 80's.  It was 61 degrees last night and my husband was thrilled to have all the windows of the house open wide.

My bank account will be happier due to the electric bill savings, but I don't get to play with and enjoy my new toy!
I'm sure a heat wave will find it's way to CT soon enough.  Then I will be mighty glad to have knocked this off my wish list.

Journey to Happiness Part 3 Indentifying and Overcoming your limiting beliefs that keep you stuck

Limiting Beliefs are hidden or not-so-hidden beliefs that you have that may not necessarily be true. They are a reflection of our inner-selves or our inner saboteurs that keep our lives "safe" and small. For instance, if a person believes (or fears) that all dogs will bite them or men don't know how to care for an infant, they will act accordingly and shrink in fear from all dogs and treat men like they don't know what they are doing with their own child.

I've talked to several parents recently who feel stuck in their roles of mom/dad, spouse, career person, housekeeper, nursemaid, etc.  Their limiting beliefs include such things as:
They shouldn't complain because they have so much.
They shouldn't ask for help or question their duty as parent, spouse, career person and homeowner.
If they talk to someone about it they might be considered weak or ungrateful.

Other common limiting beliefs that have nothing to do with your role, your job, or your wealth include:
I'm not good enough.
If I let up the slightest I will lose my job.
If I have a conversation it will end up in a fight.
I don't know how to X,Y,Z and it's too hard to learn.

A comment I hear from many clients is about their fear of failure or fear of rejection.  This may show up as doing your job in a "safe" manner or over-indulging those we fear losing.  I mention this because these fears are much more common than people tend to admit.  They stem from childhood, past or current jobs or romances, whatever!

When we are controlled by our limiting beliefs, we tend to live smaller.  We don't try new things or stretch beyond our comfort zone.  Faced with fear, we react in an dis-empowered way because we are SURE that the worst will happen.  We become stuck in our smaller world, convinced that this is better than making waves or trying something different.

So the next question is, "How do I get out from under these limiting beliefs?"
My first response could be, "Hire Me!"  I recently worked with a new client for 6 hours over 2 weeks and he was literally a new person when we were done.  He really did a great job, hanging in there as I helped him challenge or re-frame all the limiting thoughts he had.  By the end he had distanced himself from his original concerns and beliefs so much that he didn't even consider them relevant anymore. 

Choice number two would be to start by wanting to be open to thinking differently, then go through these few steps.
1. Name the limiting belief: (If you're not sure you have one, ask yourself what you are SURE will always happen, will NEVER happen, or look for a place that you are always stuck.)  Example: I don't have enough time to do X,Y,Z.
2. Create a positive belief from a negative one and test it out: (I would prefer to believe that) I DO have time for X,Y,Z.  I will find ways to enjoy X,Y,Z.
3. Write out ways that you can make it possible or test out your positive belief with logic and trial and error.  The key to getting around limiting beliefs is to question them; not in an angry and defiant way, but in a curious way that allows for other options.

I had a client who had a major fear of being in NYC after 9/11.  "It's not safe to be there."  That fear limited his life in many ways- fun, career options, friends.  When he found himself in NY for a very important meeting, he tested his limiting belief and was able to say, "Millions of people are safe in NYC every day, my fear is trying to keep me safe but it's OK, I am safe." He was able to relax and be his confident self.  Little by little he will test the merit of the limiting belief until it doesn't even pop up anymore.

Bottom line, live more consciously and don't believe everything you think!  Become aware of your limiting thoughts and challenge them.  If you are hearing "Can't, shouldn't, or have to," or wonder, "Why did I do that?" then it is time to figure out what is driving your actions.

As always, I am here to help.  Monica@NewStepsLifeCoaching.com

Journey to Happiness Part 2 Setting Priorities and Standards for the neglected area

Setting Priorities and Standards for the neglected areas of your life

I created the title for this blog as part of a series on the journey to happiness.  If you focus on neglected areas of your life and raise them up to a higher standard, will your life be better off?

I could give a short list of neglected areas in my life and then see what happens if I pay more attention to them.
Here is my short list: exercise, cooking healthy meals, writing consistently, cleaning out clutter/closets, finish projects.
If I were to prioritize, I'd say the way I am feeling right now, I need exercise more than anything else.

Exercise, a severely neglected area of my life.  I am feeling very overweight (I'm at my highest weight ever), and very frustrated with myself.  I know better.  I was a phys ed major, have always been active, and have let the typical "I don't have time" excuse get in my way.
What would be some things I could do to get more exercise?
Join a Zumba class
Go to the gym regularly (I have a paid membership and haven't attended since last October when they fired my favorite Pilates instructor- which only hurts me and not them!)
Take walks around the neighborhood or on local trails
Take another type of class- Tai Chi, Yoga, etc.
Exercise at home with or without video instruction.
Follow my Dancing With the Stars DVD's and Dance myself to good health (I've done a few times lately but not consistently)

That's a pretty good list.  And I know me, I am more likely to do something in my house than if I have to go elsewhere.DVD's and my step box will do just fine.
And how much time is enough time?  Science says anywhere from 30 to 60 minutes per day.  I would venture to say 3 hours per week would be a good benchmark to start so that is my goal. 
How will I keep track of my progress? A good old-fashioned chart on the fridge works best for me- no complicated computer programs.  I need something I can see as I reach for the ice cream! 

So, now I have identified a neglected area, prioritized the one that means the most to me right now, brainstormed a list of possible solutions, picked a few that have the most likihood of success, and set a SMART goal. 

I will spend 3 hours per week doing some sort of exercise using my DVDs and step box. 
AND I will chart my progress for everyone to see (especially myself!)

So, now it's your turn.  What areas of your life are getting neglected?  How does that make you feel and what are you willing to do about it?

Let me know!
Happy June,
Monica

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Journey to Happiness Part 1 Personal Awareness

I was going through my folder of "ideas" for a blog topic and I found this:
Explore 6 Steps to a Happier Life
Personal Awareness: Values, Goals, and Life Patterns
Setting Priorities and Standards for the neglected area
Adjusting your limiting beliefs that keep you stuck
Time Management Tools to Find the Missing Time!
Stress Busters that fit into your lifestyle
Relationship tools to bring more positive energy into your life

These 6 topics really sum up everything I have been doing as a coach and on my own personal journey for the last 3 years.  I'll start with step one and create a blog for each.

Personal Awareness of values, goals and life patterns

I am turning 54 soon and I have to say, until I began my coaching courses in 2006, I don't think I ever really thought about my values,  I had a poor record for setting or achieving goals, and I had no idea what pattern my life was following. Since I took my courses and have had a coach to help me focus on some of these things, I have spent more time and effort to really look at what they mean to me and then do something about them. 

So what do I value?  The list is long so I will limit it to two.
I value family and close relationships above all else.  I haven't always been the best at relationships and I am consciously working on rectifying that.  I feel I am closer to being able to authentically relate to people the way I want to with almost all the people in my life.  I was coaching a woman and her business partner recently and I could see how much they were struggling to be honest with each other without hurting each other's feelings.  Sometimes we don't like to hear what others are trying to tell us.  And sometimes we don't know how to tell someone what is bothering us.  But if we don't speak up or don't ask, we are living our lives on the surface instead of going deep and being real.  Now I am finding ways to feed my relationships with positive, nurturing dialogue and actions that help me feel proactive and bring my relationships to a new level of connection or friendship or closeness that I didn't always have.

Another strong value I have is becoming a successful business owner.  I love my work as a life and relationship coach.   I feel so happy when my clients move into action around an issue that is important to them or have AHA moments that are transformational.  At first I spent a lot of time in my little world and hoped people would find me.  Now I am actively reaching out and putting myself in situations that allow me to share my passion and connect with potential clients.  If I believe in what I do, then I MUST reach out to help others.  Otherwise I am doing the world a disservice.

A life pattern I gradually identified through my own coaching process was the fact that I shrunk in the face of fear.  Most people lack confidence in some area of their life, and I consistently sold myself short in anything related to my schooling and career, from the time I was a teenager.  Applying for colleges at the last minute, NOT applying to schools that would require major travel or cost more money, Not taking a licensing exam after 3 years of studying to be an Athletic Trainer.  I do give myself credit for going away to school and paying for it myself (no money when there were 10 kids in our family!)  I got a degree in Physical Education but changed my career path after I graduated.  I got married and had kids right away!
To some extent I have broken the pattern and I am facing my fears and doing things anyway.  I am so excited and passionate about coaching that a new pattern has become problematic- I jump from idea to idea and lack some follow-through.  It's actually not a new pattern, but my awareness is getting keener.
That's what change is all about: becoming aware, acknowledging what I am doing and what is not working, accepting my strengths and weaknesses, then accessing my choices to move out of my rut and taking action toward the change I want.
Whew!  That's a mouthful.  My colleague Anna Cole and I call it the 5 A Change Process.
More on that later.
If you would like to join Anna and I for a "Building Lasting Relationships" teleclass please go to my website for more information.  www.newstepslifecoaching.com/workshops_and_teleclasses


Have a happy and aware day.