Limiting Beliefs are hidden or not-so-hidden beliefs that you have that may not necessarily be true. They are a reflection of our inner-selves or our inner saboteurs that keep our lives "safe" and small. For instance, if a person believes (or fears) that all dogs will bite them or men don't know how to care for an infant, they will act accordingly and shrink in fear from all dogs and treat men like they don't know what they are doing with their own child.
I've talked to several parents recently who feel stuck in their roles of mom/dad, spouse, career person, housekeeper, nursemaid, etc. Their limiting beliefs include such things as:
They shouldn't complain because they have so much.
They shouldn't ask for help or question their duty as parent, spouse, career person and homeowner.
If they talk to someone about it they might be considered weak or ungrateful.
Other common limiting beliefs that have nothing to do with your role, your job, or your wealth include:
I'm not good enough.
If I let up the slightest I will lose my job.
If I have a conversation it will end up in a fight.
I don't know how to X,Y,Z and it's too hard to learn.
A comment I hear from many clients is about their fear of failure or fear of rejection. This may show up as doing your job in a "safe" manner or over-indulging those we fear losing. I mention this because these fears are much more common than people tend to admit. They stem from childhood, past or current jobs or romances, whatever!
When we are controlled by our limiting beliefs, we tend to live smaller. We don't try new things or stretch beyond our comfort zone. Faced with fear, we react in an dis-empowered way because we are SURE that the worst will happen. We become stuck in our smaller world, convinced that this is better than making waves or trying something different.
So the next question is, "How do I get out from under these limiting beliefs?"
My first response could be, "Hire Me!" I recently worked with a new client for 6 hours over 2 weeks and he was literally a new person when we were done. He really did a great job, hanging in there as I helped him challenge or re-frame all the limiting thoughts he had. By the end he had distanced himself from his original concerns and beliefs so much that he didn't even consider them relevant anymore.
Choice number two would be to start by wanting to be open to thinking differently, then go through these few steps.
1. Name the limiting belief: (If you're not sure you have one, ask yourself what you are SURE will always happen, will NEVER happen, or look for a place that you are always stuck.) Example: I don't have enough time to do X,Y,Z.
2. Create a positive belief from a negative one and test it out: (I would prefer to believe that) I DO have time for X,Y,Z. I will find ways to enjoy X,Y,Z.
3. Write out ways that you can make it possible or test out your positive belief with logic and trial and error. The key to getting around limiting beliefs is to question them; not in an angry and defiant way, but in a curious way that allows for other options.
I had a client who had a major fear of being in NYC after 9/11. "It's not safe to be there." That fear limited his life in many ways- fun, career options, friends. When he found himself in NY for a very important meeting, he tested his limiting belief and was able to say, "Millions of people are safe in NYC every day, my fear is trying to keep me safe but it's OK, I am safe." He was able to relax and be his confident self. Little by little he will test the merit of the limiting belief until it doesn't even pop up anymore.
Bottom line, live more consciously and don't believe everything you think! Become aware of your limiting thoughts and challenge them. If you are hearing "Can't, shouldn't, or have to," or wonder, "Why did I do that?" then it is time to figure out what is driving your actions.
As always, I am here to help. Monica@NewStepsLifeCoaching.com
Weather: Love it or hate it!
11 years ago
