Kindness is Asking More, Not Less

“No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.”
From “The Lion and the Mouse,” by Aesop

I have been very conscious of that quote most of my life. It is printed next to my photo in my high school yearbook. Now it sits on my desk- I saved it from a mailing asking for a donation. There could be no better example of a “goodie two shoes” than me. In junior high I had an article in the school paper written about me called, “A Friendly Face.” My daughters roasted me during my 50th birthday bash. They tried to collect “wild and crazy” stories about me and no one had anything to say! Instead they came up with “The Top Ten Reasons Why Mom’s a Goodie Two Shoes.” (One of them was the article!) I was quoted as giving this advice to make friends, “Don’t get hang-ups on how people act, say hello first, try not to be angry and obnoxious, and be patient.” What brilliance from a ninth grader! These are true examples of being kind first and asking questions later.

Kindness for others doesn’t always transfer over to kindness to myself. I can be overly critical or think little of my abilities, my methods, my orderliness. My lack of ambition was directly proportional to my confidence and belief in myself. If I am now kinder to myself, it is because I am asking more of myself instead of expecting little. I am seeing that more is possible and I am capable of great things. When I ask more of myself and then make myself accountable to doing and being that person I am meant to be, the excuses stop and the soaring begins. I am now patient and forgiving to myself. I am not perfect nor do I expect to be. If I have a bad day on my diet or exercise regimen, I don’t have to give up completely. I WILL be 150 pounds and tone again. I now know that with certainty (15 pounds to go). AND since there is no urgency and I have a bad back, I am being so kind to myself as to not put a strict time frame to it. As long as I see improvement in my way of being, I am happy. I have a time goal AND it’s OK if I don’t reach it exactly. The journey is the important part; becoming the “ME” I am meant to BE.

Some synonyms for Kindness are compassion, sympathy, gentleness, benevolence, kindheartedness, thoughtfulness, consideration, helpfulness and humanity. Its antonym is cruelty. This leads to interesting questions.
How are you being cruel to yourself?
Do you demand too much of yourself or expect too little because you “just can’t do it?”
What have you convinced yourself is impossible that you truly want for yourself?

I now believe that everyone is capable of great things if they would just get out of their own way! When we believe our own stories of fear, self-doubt or ineptness, we are creating a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Show yourself some kindness by believing that your goals and dreams CAN come true. You CAN make them happen. Whether it is your health, your business or something else, making it happen begins with being kind and compassionate to yourself in believing it is possible. Ask more of yourself and not less. Accept it is possible without spinning the stories and the doubt. Say yes first, and be patient.

Networking Your Way to Friendships

I can live without tweets but I can’t live without friends.

The hot topic these days is social networking. Last month I went to three live networking groups where they gave presentations and all three were about twittering, facebooking and linking yourself into a connected life. I have joined all three on-line networks but my favorite networking is still in person.
Networks make me think of ways that I am reaching out to the world, collecting friends and associates. I'm in a women's community service organization, a dance class, a church choir, and exercise classes at the gym. I've also connected with many other coaches who I've met in my classes over the last few years. I'm even starting a new chapter of a women's networking group called Powerful You! After a recent launch into the business world, I want to meet new people so that I can "tell my story" and find all those people out there who want to know more about life coaching. I want to hear other peoples' stories too. I want to be a part of the personal growth that happens when people teach and support each other. And it's more than that. I have always enjoyed networking for the human contact, the support, the camaraderie and, of course, the friendships.
I love the fact that there are friends I can call on to walk my dog in an emergency, plan a trip into New York City for the day, get a pedicure, meet for lunch, plan a business workshop or cry on their shoulder on a bad day. I also like the fact that friends can count on me to visit them in the hospital or take them for Physical Therapy. That fact that I have done all of those things in the last month tells me I have some great friends and a thriving network.
It takes work to keep all that connection alive. And not everyone I stay connected to lives nearby. It takes more than tweeting or posting on walls at midnight. What it takes is time and the human voice, the empathy and the caring that friendships require. It takes personalized contact, whether by phone or email or visits. It takes effort. And it's worth it!

-Monica
(PS Thanks to Darlene for the topic suggestion! See you Monday for PT)

Prune to Your Heart's Content

I live in an old farmhouse in a suburb of CT. There are many mature trees including fruit trees in our yard. Some of the fruit trees have very low laying branches that need pruning. Most of them are dead anyway. They don’t look good, they detract from the beauty of our yard and they get in the way when my husband mows the lawn! A few weeks ago our big mower broke and we had to revert to the skinny little push mower to do over an acre of grass. I took a turn mowing the lawn for father’s day. I figured it would be a big surprise for my husband when he got home from work on Friday. It took me two and a half hours to do about 2/3 of the lawn. I stopped due to fatigue and heat exhaustion and I still felt quite proud of my accomplishment. (My trainer at the gym was very proud of me too.)

One thing that really irritated me about this big chore was the low laying branches. I asked Steve how he could stand mowing around those branches! I have no idea how my husband put up with it these last 3 years, and I know he has ripped a few shirts and gouged his back or arms several times. One would think that with all the things he does around the house; repair work, furniture building, mopping the kitchen, gardening, etc, that he would have pruned those trees.

Today he finally got around to pruning those branches. I don’t know what got into him but for the 30 minutes or less that it took to prune, he will have a MUCH easier time each week. Maybe the fact that I mentioned the branches gave him the permission to prune the fruit trees. Maybe he was afraid I would think he was doing it just to make his life easier.

This got me thinking (as most parables do) about how this is a metaphor in our lives. What are the low-laying branches that need pruning in your life? Imagine how much better, easier, happier your life will be if you would do the pruning! Do you need permission or convincing to push you over the tipping point? Consider it done! You have my permission.

What small things can you do to make your life easier? What system of filing or organizational tip will help de-clutter your life? What automated system like on-line banking or EZPass can you take the time to sign up for that will have benefits for years to come? What can you say NO to that will ease your life’s burdens even if it makes someone else annoyed? Take care of those low-laying branches. Prune out the old, the ugly, or the messy clutter in your life. Prune to your hearts content and you’ll make your life easier for sure.