Healthy Tips for the Holidays and New Year

I received an inquiry from a reporter for weight-loss tips for the holidays.  I thought I would turn my answer into a blog post.  Enjoy.


1. share a personal tip on how to avoid gaining pounds this holiday season?
Give yourself permission to have a few small portions of sweets or your favorite indulgence over the holidays, not all day every day for two weeks! Decide ahead of time what is acceptable and then no more.  It's not the small indulgences, it's taking it to extremes that will add 5-10 pounds! Balance out the "junk food" calories with something healthy.

2. How do you get past all the New Year pound-shedding resolution noise or gimmicks?
Losing weight and keeping it off is a lifestyle choice, not a fad or gimmick.  If you look at how much and when you are eating, perhaps keeping a food diary for a week, you'll probably notice a trend.  If you are eating for the sake of eating because you are emotionally hungry or anxious, then you have to address that, not just the food choices.  If you don't know what food is better for you, then learn.  If you need ideas for healthy snacks, google it.  Set yourself up for winning, not for failure, by really looking at what has gotten you to this point in the first place.  And then find a buddy to keep you accountable.  A life coach is very helpful accountability partner. (Hint, hint!)

3. Share your experience and or interesting related story?
I coached a woman about the big family transition she was going through: second marriage, two young babies, no time for herself.  With only 3 conversations over the course of a month, she addressed some key beliefs she had about what was making her feel restless and unhappy.  Without even trying, she lost 15 pounds in less than a month because she was no longer emotionally eating.  She was making good choices that fit into her lifestyle, such as healthy food, short yoga and meditation exercises, and a new perspective that helped her love her life again.

Hope this was helpful.  Any other ideas you want help on?

Relationship Tip #1

I have a unique opportunity to be a published author, part of an Anthology book with about 35 other women.  (Release date March 7, more info later.) I'm writing about my personal and professional transformation over the last few years.  Not only did I become a life and relationship coach, I became conscious of the world of relationships;  how to recognize relationship toxins and how to make conscious choices that will strengthen and nourish rather than isolate and destroy.

Relationship Tip #1 If you treasure your relationships, keep that in mind when difficulties arise. Let your actions be for the good of the relationship, not the good of your pride.

To put it another way: What is more important, the long-term health of a relationship, or winning a small battle?
If you do something that makes someone feel angry, annoyed, unheard, ignored, diminished, wrong, stupid, unimportant, etc, then admit it and apologize.  Most of the time, we don't mean to make others feel bad.  All the more reason to acknowledge that you messed up and are sorry. This is the perfect opportunity to let that other person know how much you mean to them.  Share what you treasure about your relationship and clear up any misunderstandings before they can grow into disasters.
When someone feels heard and cared for, they are able to connect with you on a whole new level.

Case in point: I had a co-facilitator on an on-going project and I was doing something that really bothered her but she hadn't shared it with me.  When she finally did, I swallowed my pride, consciously chose to apologize instead of getting defensive, and asked her what she needed me to do in order for her to feel better about things.  I didn't realize my actions were bothering her but her complaint made sense and we agreed on an action that kept us both happy. 
Imagine the outcome if I had gotten defensive.  It would have sounded more like, "I'm right and you're wrong." 
Imagine if she had yelled at me and criticized me instead of calmly expressing what was bothering her.
Remember this scenario the next time your boss says something to you or your teen makes a mistake. 
If you remain calm and keep the long-term goal of your relationship in mind, you will make the right choices.

Think of your relationship as its own separate entity.  It has needs and wants.  It needs good communication.  It needs nourishment, positive interactions, caring and love.  It needs teamwork and aligned goals. 
Good luck, and please feel free to share a time when you took the high road for the sake of your relationship.

Vacations- Whose job is it anyway?

I just came back from a fabulous vacation with my husband.  We celebrated 30 years of marriage in August, no small feat!  We've (or should I say I've) talked about going to Italy for at least 15 years and the opportunity came up and we took it.  2 days in Rome and then a cruise on the Mediterranean.  Heaven.

What does it take, besides money, to go on a big vacation like that?  Weeks or months of preparation- arranging work schedules, buying some needed clothes, a new bathing suit (still wore my trusty old one), packing up medicines and toiletries, arranging our dog sitter, holding the mail and the newspapers, getting the house ready, paying bills ahead of time, getting Euros to bring with us...  Like any event in our lives this required lists and more lists.  I managed to remember everything, though I somehow lost my travel alarm clock.  I do all the list making and packing, my husband basically just does what he is asked and shows up.  He's the one working 15 hour days so I don't mind. 

Why is it that a man can pack in a matter of 1 hour and it takes me days- thinking about outfits, purses, shoes, etc.  I spent 2 days just doing laundry and making piles of potential clothes.  I remembered to pack his ipod and headphones for jogging and his post-running tablets for rehydrating while he remembered to pack his sneakers.  It's interesting that I think about what he'll need but I'm sure he never gives a thought about what I packed or didn't pack.  Maybe that is the built-in mother role I have permanently assumed.  He just trusts that I will remember what I need.  As he says, "As long as I have my passport and wallet, everything else is extra."

It's funny how I've noticed the way we drop into our roles, even on vacation or right when we got back.  I am the fact-finder, the arranger of things.  I got all the tour books and decided what excursions we went on, spending hours on websites and making decisions.  When I signed up for the experience with the dolphins, Steve chose to stay on the ship and read his book.  When I got back from my excursion we explored Malta for a few hours before the ship took off for the next port.  I'm the exploring type and Steve is the stay put type.  He would never walk off the ship and explore the city by himself.

When we got back from our trip I immediately jumped into laundry and unpacking mode while Steve jumped into yard work duty.  Roles are embedded in our every day lives.  After 2 days of laundry, processing mail, and catching up on sleep, I'm avoiding all the other household roles like grocery shopping and vacuuming.  I even avoided my emails for 2 days.  Tomrrow will come soon enough.  In the mean time I have 1300 pictures to look at on my computer!

My first picture in Rome- the infamous Trevi Fountain

Lucas the dophin came over to play with us.

The ceiling of a church in La Valetta, Malta- amazing!

Technology Overcome!

Hi Everyone,
This is round two of the same post, as I work out some technology- like what frozen picture you see of me before you start the video, or when you get the post in your email.  Hopefully I don't look like one of those Christmas Carolers in mid word with a round mouth and squinted eyes!  Bear with me as I travel on my learning curve....

Check out my new video abilities.  Necessity is truly the motivating force for overcoming an obstacle like technology.
What technology challenge has you stumped?  It's time to over come it! If you have a Mac you can go to any Apple store and get free help in 20-30 minutes doses (though I chose to do the "I'll try to do this myself" method).  If you don't have a Mac, there is likely to be some teenager in your life who knows a lot more than you.  Barter for some help!
Good luck.
~Monica
PS If you are seeing a still photo in your blackberry or email, go to the actual blog for the video.

The Aftermath of a Life-altering event

It's 10 days since my daughter's wedding and I'm still not back to my "schedule." Of course, my life has NO schedule, so there lies the problem. I've spent the better part of the last 3 months so engrossed with Melissa's wedding- calls to vendors and my daughters, working on all the details, thinking proactively to anticipate every moment and potential issue, making lists, etc, that I don't know what a normal schedule is any more.

How do you get back into a routine after a life-altering or all-consuming event?

I suppose if I had a 9-5 job or young kids at home to force me into a routine, that might help. Instead, I work from home and much of my motivation has to come from within.
It's 1pm and I've done a million things today (except get dressed).
*Client call at 8am.
*Breakfast routine for my dog Celtie and me.
*30 minutes reading "Wedding Goddess" for my market analysis for book proposal (I am writing a book called The Empowered Bride and working on the proposal to send to an agent).
*Semi-Quick look through emails
*30 minute call about a community service fundraiser I am doing this Friday
*45 minute chat with my older daughter Christine (got a kick in the butt to keep writing so I can sell lots of books, promote my business, and help my husband retire early.)

I have a call at 3 with a fellow coach who is going to ask me if I made the promised number of calls I said I would make by 3pm. These are business calls mind you. So far, I have made 0 business calls. I'd rather read Wedding Goddess and see how MY book will be better! My accountability is at question, so now I am in a panic!

There is the nagging thought that I SHOULD get the house clean and walk the dog and put away a few last wedding items or prepare for Melissa and Chris' return from their honeymoon. They will stay with us for a day and then head to Virginia (sniff!)
Even my blogging gets distracted by talking about semi-wedding stuff!

I hate the word SHOULD so I am going to do what I want to do right now.
I am going to get dressed and call some wedding vendors and set up appointments to talk about my book and my wedding coaching service and see where that gets me!

As for the aftermath of a life-altering event, I guess declaring a schedule and getting dressed first would help!
Any other suggestions? Please help!

Forgiveness and apologies

“We must forgive those we feel have wronged us, not because they deserve to be forgiven, but because we love ourselves so much we don’t want to keep paying for the injustice.”
Quote from The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz

Forgiveness is a gift to yourself and to the person you are forgiving. If you hold on to a grudge it will eat away at you and your other relationships. Many a family, friendship, and work setting has been torn apart by a grudge. I know from direct experience.

If someone offends you in some way, I'd like you to keep a few things in mind.
*They may not have intended to hurt you.
*There might be information you are not aware of.
*If their offense is connected to a personality trait, (she's always so nosey), it may actually be your interpretation of that trait. Maybe she is just curious, or socially awkward, trying to fit in...
*You can't change another person, you can only change what you think and what you do about it.

Apologies and forgiveness. They go hand in hand. As someone who has a hard time with apologies, I will admit I had a hard time forgiving as well. Now I try to offer them up as instantly as I perceive they are needed. We are all human and humans make mistakes. To believe otherwise is foolishness.

So go out there and make amends where ever it is needed. Everyone deserves a second chance. You will feel better, and so will they! That's what peace of mind is all about- to know that you have done everything possible for yourself and others. Let go of that grudge!

My daughter's wedding

After 10 months of planning and a life time of anticipation, my youngest daughter Melissa was married on August 28, 2010. It was a beautiful wedding and we are very happy with her choice for a husband. Chris went to school with Melissa at the University of Mary Washington and they have known each other for 6 years.

I have written all about the wedding prep and wedding day (including pictures) in my other blog. Check it out! www.theempoweredbride.com/blog.


As a coach, I'd like to say that my daughter and I did everything right. It was my third try at being Mother of...and things got better each time. We talked about things ahead of time, we planned together as a team, we were honest about our feelings after missteps were taken (only a few), and we were able to share this whole process with my other daughter Christine (a truly amazing wedding planner).
If we had the chance to do it all over again, I don't know what we would change (besides a few minor details) because honestly, it was picture perfect.


The mother-daughter relationship is a very special bond. When it's right it adds such pleasure to your life. I am blessed to say I have that with both my daughters. Our relationship will be in transition for a while as she settles into the new role of wife, not to mention settling into her new home in VA with her husband Chris.

Wow! My children are all married. And now I am officially in an empty nest. I guess it's time for me to ramp up my connection with my husband Steve! We are taking a long-overdue trip for our 30th wedding anniversary to Rome and a cruise in the Mediterranean.

As for my professional life, I am coaching, networking, and doing presentations on a number of subjects. I am also working on a book called The Empowered Bride. Next will be something for The Mother of the Bride. After 3 children getting married in just over 3 years, I have much insight to share and want to fill the void of relationship knowledge in the midst of planning a wedding.

Here's to Melissa and Chris, the newlyweds, and the life they will share together.

I finally did it!

I am a life coach. With that comes the responsibility of doing the things I encourage my clients to do- like de-clutter or get my house in order. De-cluttering has always been a problem of mine. I get attached to things, I save too much, I don't take the time to set up a system or put things away or file for that matter. Then after things pile up, I get frustrated and try to tackle it.

For the last 15 months it has been my goal to clean up my bedroom. I moved here 4 years ago and still hadn't put everything away. I was almost done last summer when I stopped short of completion. What was left was the 3 boxes of papers that needed sorting, thinning out, or filing. The desk had a layer of old bills and notes about this and that. My dresser had piles of winter socks and assorted small items. My side of the bathroom vanity was piled high with makeup, hair products and jewelry.

This year I've been motivated by the fact that my daughter is getting married and the photographer will be taking pictures upstairs- Melissa getting ready, Melissa and her bridal party, Melissa and her proud mom, whatever!

So yesterday, after talking with MY life coach (yes I have a coach too)about why I've been resisting the final push, I set up a schedule and did it! I stayed focused on the task. I resisted my computer, the phone, the to-do list,the refrigerator and my dog. Now the taxes are all filed, the papers are put away, and donations are in a bag heading to Goodwill. I even tackled the master bath. Toiletries are thinned out and shelved, and the jewelry is organized.

I am quite proud of myself. When I woke up this morning, I no longer had to look at a messy desk or bookshelf, cluttered corners or a messy bathroom. I could open my eyes and enjoy what I was seeing! The wedding is 10 days away and I am ready. Woo Hoo!

See beyond the obstacles

I don't usually talk about my spiritual life publicly, but this week's church sermon really got me thinking. We had a guest priest in church this past weekend, an Irish friend of our pastor. He mentioned the story of St. Bernadette, who heard the voice of Mary every day for 2 weeks. Mary asked Bernadette to visit the grotto day after day until it started to draw very large crowds. (Her hometown of Lourdes, France is now famous because of Bernadette), but by the 14th day the police had blocked off the grotto. Bernadette had to go to the other side of the stream, climb up the terrain a bit and look down on the grotto from a distance, beyond all the obstacles, in order to see Mary in the grotto. Father Harris made the comparison to our lives, where we come to church daily or weekly to be with God and get beyond all the obstacles in our lives; work and family demands, technology, the hustle and bustle of life.

This concept of seeing our lives from above the obstacles is what life coaching has done for me and what I try to do for my clients. Don't let the hustle and bustle of life, along with its demands and obstacles, keep you from seeing what your life purpose is. Don't let the inner obstacles of fear or doubt keep you from living the life that you are meant to live. Where is your focus? The distractions or the distant path yet traveled?

Take some time to envision the possible paths your life can take.
Make the time to evaluate the obstacles that are keeping you blocked.
Create a plan or strategy to bust through the obstacles now, before you waste more time submitting to your fears, doubts, and trivialities of life.
Make your life mean something powerful.
And finally, connect to what ever spirituality allows you to be one with yourself without judgment or criticism. Accept who you are and be the best you can be.

Have a great day.
~Monica

A Healthy Lifestyle

A doctor will tell you to quit smoking, a health teacher will tell you ways to avoid getting sexually transmitted diseases, the TV will remind you of the many chronic illnesses to avoid like Emphysema, Diabetes, Heart Attacks, etc. The average American woman can probably tell you at least 20 health tips off the top of her head, like drinking more water, avoiding saturated fats, not adding too much salt or sugar to her diet, exercising 30 minutes a day, and giving up sweetened drinks. What most of them have in common is sacrifice, which is why most women don’t follow their own knowledge of how to live a healthier life.

So what will help people choose to follow healthier habits? I believe that working with a life coach can help a person flush out the reasons why she is choosing the wrong habits and help her choose a better way to live. A life coach can help her client assess how she is currently living, what is causing stress and anxiety in her life, and what is NOT working for her. She is then able develop the intentions and strong conviction to reassess her lifestyle, not for a fad diet, but to make life-long changes that come from a new awareness and confidence.

Consistently living healthy habits is more of a mental health issue than a lack of knowledge, for the most part. A happy and fulfilled person who knows how to deal with life’s issues is not the kind of person to binge on sweets or take risks with their health. A woman who is comfortable in her own skin and in healthy relationships with those around her, is emotionally more stable and less likely to fall victim to poor health habits.

As a whole life coach, and a relationship coach, I help women flourish in all aspects of their lives; from personal growth to health and career. If one area of your life is unfulfilled or causing anxiety, it will have an effect on all areas of your life. I enjoy helping my clients see the big picture.

If this interests you, I hope you will contact me for a free consultation.
monica@newstepslifecoaching.com

Whose Job Is It?

What happens when 3 different people all think that one of the other two is taking care of something? The "something" doesn't get done! That's called "a poorly occupied role." When a role is not occupied, the job doesn't get done. "No one took out the garbage, or bought the milk, or paid the mortgage." If a role is super important, and no one claims ownership, a disaster can happen (Ex. paying the bills). If the role is only important to one person and they want another person to do the job, tempers can flare ("Why don't you put things away!) When there are many things going on at once and the plan is not clear, roles can slip through the cracks (event planning, committee work). This happened very recently to me and the end result was very disappointing. There is a lot of "if only" feelings. "If only I had realized that the other two weren't doing it, I would have done it." Or, "If only we had cleared this up ahead of time, we would have taken care of it properly."
How can you go through life without "if only's?" That requires clear communication and developing a plan. Why didn't we create a plan? THAT is an important question. We had a plan that didn't include that role! I suspected things should have been done but never pressed about it. I'm not sure why but I can speculate:
I didn't want to be a bother or be pushy.
I assumed it was being taken care of.
I didn't feel it was my place (I wasn't in charge.)
I didn't have time.
I was avoiding the subject (not my favorite role.)
Wishful thinking that it would be fine without worrying about it.

Well, the wishful thinking wasn't enough. And hoping the role was covered didn't work out either. Next time, there will be a better plan in place and lots of clear communication.

What are you resisting?

I have just about finished preparing my taxes. Woo Hoo! Taxes are the bain of my existence. I have done my own taxes all my life- until last year. I got myself and my husband through 28 years of 1099's, Schedule A's, listing assorted deductions, and even 12 years of a Schedule C for my Discovery Toys business. We bought and sold homes, lived in one state and worked in another (for 18 years now), and so on, and so on. I resist tackling my taxes every year, and when I get around to doing the work- assembling all the forms that come in the mail, going through my checkbook and credit card statements, it ends up being about 15 hours of work. All that resisting for a weekend's worth of stick-to-itiveness. (I know that's not a word).
I guess what I'm getting at is that thinking about and worrying about something for 3 months, that I can really just plow through in a weekend, is ridiculous.
As a life coach I know I am resisting my taxes for a reason, so I have decided to get to the root of the problem and fix it. I realize that I have to be willing to do things I don't enjoy doing every once in a while (like getting a mammogram and a colonoscopy). I know I have other pressing things to do but it doesn't pay to wait to the last minute, especially when we're getting OUR money back. I know I am resisting the fact that this has been my "role" for over 30 years. I have "role nausea!" My husband wouldn't touch the taxes. If I don't do it, who will? Last year I finally brought my taxes to an accountant, but now that I have a business as a coach, I still have to do a ton of organizing of expenses. So those 15 hours are still with me no matter what.
How do I make this easier for next year? If I put a system in place that finishes my 15 hours of prep on December 31st, I could bring my forms to the accountant as soon as I have them all. Brilliant! I have this same thought every year in March. I get things ready for the new year up to March, and then I never look at it again till next March. Drat, it means I have to actually USE the system from March to December! What would that look like?
I will put receipts in the same place when I get them. (I've done a pretty good job of that so far.)
Each week I will enter any receipts and income into my system (excel? quickbooks?) 15 hours of bookkeeping divided by 12 months is only about an hour and 15 minutes every month, or 20 minutes a week. Now, when is a good time each week?
Each time I drive for business or charity I will log it into my book (keep log in the car).
Each bank or credit card statement will be checked for expenses for my business and entered into my system.
Each week after I do my bookkeeping I will treat myself in some way.
I think I can handle 20 minutes a week for the peace of mind I'll have next January. I'll keep you posted.

So what are YOU resisting and why? What are you willing to do that will ease the situation? That which we resist persists, so we might as well look at why we are resisting and find a new way of looking at the issue!
Good luck!

Helping someone in need

I had an opportunity to "step up to the plate" this weekend. I just happened to be in the right place at the right time. Read on:
My daughter and I were at my local library to pick up a form and a woman peeked out of the bathroom door looking very pale and bleeding from her arm. She was asking for help. The mother instinct kicked in as I walked her back into the bathroom. I could tell immediately that she had self-inflicted superficial wounds on her forearm, 20-30 long scratch marks. Some were old and scabbed and some were new and bleeding. I told my daughter to go get a library employee while I walked her to the sink to wash and wrap her arm. (Years of medical emergency background came in handy instinctively. Yes, I kept a towel between me her injuries.)
This woman smelled of alcohol, was about 35-40 years old, was crying and pleading for both help and to kill herself and was very weak in the knees. Her weapon of choice was some sort of plastic razor still laying just inside her purse.

As you can imagine, there were a million thoughts running through my head but the overpowering one was that this woman needed me desperately. I didn't have to fix her or diagnose anything or take her to the hospital myself. I knew help was on the way. I could have walked away in fear or waited outside until help arrived. But I was compelled to BE the help for those important 5 minutes. What she needed was to be held until a chair arrived, comforted as she cried, and listened to as she rambled in order to keep her calm. She had walked to the library to act on her urge to hurt herself in order to spare her 17 year old daughter from seeing her in such a state. I am glad I could be the one to "find her" in that state, rather than her young daughter. I am also glad MY daughter wasn't alone as this woman asked for help but I'm sure she would have been able to get her the help she needed on her own.

I asked the woman if I could get her wallet out of her purse. I found her ID card and could now call her by her first name. She also had a Dept of Social Services card so there was clearly a history of care. I asked her a few questions to engage her and let her talk. She kept asking me "what should I do..." I told her that if I was in that much pain and despair I would want to go to a doctor to get help. I think I was trying to prepare her for what would undoubtedly happen- an ambulance ride to the hospital.

The librarian called the police to provide the professional help she really needed. It was only about 5 minutes before the policeman arrived and I felt glad that I could give him the bits of information I already knew. As he took over, I stepped out of the situation, knowing I had helped this woman in one of the worst moments I can imagine.

I learned a lot about myself this weekend. I learned that my ability to stay calm and not try to fix anything allowed this woman to feel supported. I learned that I can be a little afraid and still help someone. I learned that I was a good placeholder until the experts arrived. I am grateful for having the opportunity to help a woman who so desperately needed my help.

Healthy Living

If you're feeling stuck and you don't know how to make the changes in your life that will propel you forward in a healthy way, I'd like to suggest one thing. Literally, do ONE thing today that is different from your usual routine. Eat a new meal, find a new way to exercise, find one little boundary for yourself (no food after 8pm or only one small sweet per day). Commit to that ONE thing for the next week. Think about how it embraces the "new you" vision. Think about how great you will feel having done something positive for yourself. That feeling will grow as you act in a positive way each day. You will be taking control of your life by making healthier choices.

Break out of that stuck place and create new momentum with ONE daily action.
You can do it!

Intentions VS reality in an unfocused world

I wrote this essay to prove a point. See if you recognize yourself in here...

I woke up with the energy and determination of Hercules. I was on a mission to get things done! The plan was to get some exercise done, eat well, and get some chores off my “To Do” list; laundry- I need my pants cleaned for the meeting tomorrow, groceries, correspondence that was over due.
I quickly dressed in my exercise clothes, brushed my teeth and headed downstairs to let the dog out. I put on a kettle for tea and started upstairs to get the laundry. With this much energy I figured I should strip the beds and grab all the towels while I was at it! When I grabbed the clothes from the hamper some papers fell out of my husbands pants- a pay-stub, tissues, the usual business cards from work contacts. I put the paystub and cards on his dresser and noticed a bill that needed paying. I tucked that in my pocket and headed downstairs to my checkbook.
The kettle was wailing so I made my tea. I ran back upstairs to get all the laundry. It took two trips to the laundry room. But my tea was getting cold so I went back to the kitchen, but what’s tea without the newspaper so I went outside to get the paper. I noticed some weeds near the porch and dug a few out and started a pile that I was sure I could get back to later. Paper in hand I headed back to the kitchen for my tea, which was now cold. Into the microwave to reheat! Ugh!
An hour later I had read the whole paper and finished my tea. Where did the time go? I ran to the laundry room to wash the sheets to start.
I went to my desk to pay the bill I found and realized I hadn’t balanced my checkbook this month. I got out the statement and started checking things off. It took 45 minutes but I found the missing penny! Once the bill was paid I couldn’t find stamps. I pulled everything out of the drawer and nothing there, but I came across some Christmas cards that never got logged into my Christmas registry. That was put away in the basement but I figured no time like the present so off I went to the basement to find the Christmas card box. 30 minutes later I had checked off the 3 cards I found and updated an address.


My stomach began to growl and I realized it was almost noon and I hadn’t eaten breakfast or done my exercises for the day! I still had to put the sheets in the dryer and start the next load of towels. What about the clothes I need for tomorrow’s meeting- that will be load number 3. I also hadn’t started my grocery list or written the letter to the insurance agent I needed to get out. I had no stamps to send the letters so that meant a trip to the post office. I had a pile of weeds started in the yard and it looked like they would sit there until at least tomorrow….
I guess the exercising will wait till tomorrow. I have a lot to do before my 3pm appointment at the dentist. What do I do first?.....

Did you see all my mistakes? How will you live your life differently? If you want some help changing things around and doing what is important in your life in an organized way, send me an email.

A confession for the soul

I never knew how invested I was in being right. I joke with my husband of almost 30 years- "you know it will turn out that I was right." And often I am. But when I am wrong, I never realized how defensive I was getting. Change the subject, or defend my actions, I'd find some way to deflect ever having to say, "You're right. I apologize."

I am involved in many activities that require teamwork, partnership, and collaboration. And in one case I was doing something that really bothered the other person. I didnt' know it, I didn't realize it, I didn't even have it on my radar of things that could be going on. We had a real grown up conversation and allowed each other to air our concerns for what was happening and to my surprise, I was confronted with a situation to act my old way (being defensive) or take on a new way of being. I accepted full responsibility for my actions (leaving her name off emails), I apologized for making her feel the way she felt (left out and isolated), and we resolved what I could do to make things better (include her name and contact info on all future correspondence). It was such a small shift with such a huge outcome. That was a real learning experience for me! You CAN teach an old dog new tricks!

I am encouraged to know that all these courses in relationship coaching have helped ME on MY journey of becoming a better person. I want to share that with all of my clients as well. Join me for my first free teleclass March 11 at 7pm EST where we will explore positive intentions in relationships. email me at monica@newstepslifecoaching.com for more details.

Sunday Night Planning

It's Sunday night and I am back to using my "tree top planner" strategy. What that means is I imagine being up in the top of a tree looking down on my week ahead. I can spend a few minutes dreaming about what I want to accomplish, how I will feel at the end of the week when I've accomplished these things, how will I be closer to my master plan goals, who do I need or want to connect to this week, what have I made commitments to do?

From here I can write a to-do list and I make a list of the people I want to connect to. It helps that I divide my page into major categories like Work, writing, wedding (my daughter's), networking, house, family.

Next I review my calendar; what appointments do I have, where will my exercise fit in, do I need to rearrange anything? Once I've had a chance to review things, I look at my big picture goals and make sure I plug in the things that are important for those goals: time to read and write, time to plan my meals for the week, get to the gym, connect to friends and family, etc. Blocks of time are identified to complete things from my to-do list, as well as time to relax and refresh!

If I have a focus for what I want to get done, I don't get as sidetracked by unimportant distractions and can enjoy my time off, not worrying about what I didn't get done!

Sometimes it's tough working from home, but when I take the time to create a plan, I know I am a more effective, efficient and happy person!

That's my plan and I'm sticking to it! How about you?

“We spend January 1 walking through our lives, room by room, drawing up a list of work to be done, cracks to be patched. Maybe this year, to balance the list, we ought to walk through the rooms of our lives... not looking for flaws, but for potential.” - Ellen Goodman

I was sent this quote today, and it really struck a chord. I have been putting off my to-do of "2010 Goals" and I think what I want to do first is review my "2009 successes." My coaching group is using these 3 questions to help see what worked in 2009 before jumping to what I want to improve in 2010.

1. What were your 3 most important wins in 2009?
2. What were your 3 most energizing events/activities during the year?
3. What did you learn from your wins and your energizers that you want to carry forward into 2010?

It is a guideline you can use for every month, every quarter, or every year.
What this quote makes me realize is that I have much to be grateful for and many successes to build upon. I don't have to make up new big goals or challenges. It doesn't have to be hard. I don't have to become someone else in order to have a "successful" year.

Look to what is working, find the potential in that, and build on it. I intend to concentrate on what I am really attracted to and just turn up my focus and attention another notch.

Happy New Year.